Another Leadership Lesson: Lachoneus

One of my favorite chapters of scripture is 3 Nephi 3. I love Lachoneus and the way he led the Nephites against the Gadianton robbers. He also provides a powerful model for us as we lead our children against the evils they face daily.

Verse 12-"this Lachoneus...was a just man and could not be frightened"

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 If we put our faith in God, we can concentrate on doing those things that will bring power, love and sound minds to our homes. Conversely, when our faith wavers, fear enters and we may become paralyzed by that fear-just what Satan desires.

Verse 12-"he did cause that his people should cry unto the Lord for strength"

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part. Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship." Bible Dictionary, p. 752.

Verse 13-"he sent a proclamation among all the people"

In 1995, the First Presidency issued "The Family: A Proclamation." When was the last time you read the proclamation seeking for inspiration for your family? The General Conference edition of the Ensign is arriving now. As you read and study it, which of our latter-day prophets' "proclamations" stand out to you?

Several years ago, family mission statements were a popular thing to write. How about your own family's proclamation? What does your family believe, know and strive to do? You could use several Family Home Evening nights to write your family's proclamation to yourself, your family, neighbors, city, world and make copies of it for each family member to place with their scriptures.

Verse 13-"gather together, unto one place"

How often is your family gathered together in one place? With work, school, church responsibilities, and extracurricular activities, there is not much time when families are all together so creative adaptations are required.

My daughter takes dance and tumbling on Thursdays with a half-hour break between the two classes. We've begun taking a picnic to eat during the break and in a matter of a few short weeks, it has become a tradition with serious consequences for mom if she doesn't follow through!

Another important consideration: What do you do when you are together? Family togetherness does not look like the kids playing the Wii, dad watching baseball on television and mom working on the computer. True togetherness is more than just proximity-simply being in the same house-but "warm fellowship" as defined by Webster's Dictionary. How can we foster that "warm fellowship"?

Elder Oaks teaches, "One of the great influences that unified families in prior times was the experience of struggling together in pursuit of a common goal—such as taming the wilderness or establishing a business. This principle is so important that one commentator suggested, “If the family lacks a common crisis, hire a wolf to howl at the door.” (Time, Dec. 15, 1967, p. 31.) Most parents have enough crises without hiring any more. But they may need to identify them and organize their families in unified efforts to resolve them." Dallin H. Oaks, "Parental Leadership in the Family", Ensign, June 1985.

Verse 14-"fortifications should be built round about them"

What fortifications are you building around your family? Are you doing the basics of Family Home Evening, family prayer and family scripture study?

Sometimes we search for answers to our problems beyond those answers. In a recent Saturday evening session of Stake Conference, the visiting General Authority asked for questions from the audience and a friend asked about how to keep her 14 year-old son from experimenting with the things of the world.

Elder Johnson gave some very insightful instruction using Helaman 5:12 and 13. Leslie later told me that she and her husband appreciated that instruction and had received inspiration about specific things to do in their family. She also told me that she was prepared to ask a follow-up question if his only suggestions were Family Home Evening, family prayer and family scripture study.

As I pondered what she had told me, I had an epiphany! If we are continually receiving "the basics" as our answer, it must be that we are either not doing them or not doing them sufficiently to receive more light and knowledge. I believe that Leslie and her husband received additional specific inspiration to fortify their family because they earnestly do "the basics".

Verse 14-"armies should be placed as guards round about to watch them, and to guard them"

We have an entire army at our disposal. Are we enlisting our extended family to watch and guard our family?

I continued to work for two years after the birth of my daughter and our family was so blessed that my sister was willing and able to tend her. My daughter has a special bond with my sister and I plan to call upon that bond when the teen years come and Chloe thinks that I am less than smart and cool. I know that Aunt Suzi will be a confidant and sounding board who will lead her to truth.

The Search Institute http://www.search-institute.org/assets/forty.htm has identified 40 "Development Assets" or positive things that all young people need to grow up healthy and responsible. Number three on the list is "Other Adult Relationships-Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults."

Isn't that just what the Lord has provided us in the youth programs? In Primary, children have two primary teachers, activity day leaders, Scout leaders and presidencies. In Young Men and Young Women, youth have a presidency member, an advisor, a secretary, sports leaders, camp directors and a bishop! How blessed we are when we support and sustain the members of the army of the Lord.

Verse 15-"repent of all your iniquities and cry unto the Lord"

My favorite lines from "Repentance" in For the Strength of Youth are, "When you do what is necessary to receive forgiveness, you will know for yourself the power of the Atonement and the love God has for you. You will feel the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ, which will bring you great strength." If our children have that strength and understand the power of the Atonement, they will be able conquer the Gadianton robbers of our day.

Verse 16-"they did exert themselves in their might"

Where do you measure today on the "Might-o-Meter"? If we plotted our might on a graph, would it show peaks and valleys or rolling hills? Sometimes when I hear "might", I become very tired. Then I remember the key "that it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again it is expedient that he should be diligent." (Mosiah 4:27)

The Nephites were blessed because they heeded the words of Lachoneus. "For the Nephites did not fear them (the robbers); but they did fear their God and did supplicate him for protection; therefore, when the armies of Giddianhi did rush upon them they were prepared to meet them; yea, in the strength of the Lord they did receive them." (3 Nephi 4:10)

As we follow the example of Lachoneus and his people, may we blessed and not fear the modern day robbers, but be prepared to meet them and fight them in the strength of the Lord.

Keep a Cow

Earlier this week when I reminded my four year-old daughter to do one of her chores-put the clean utensils away-she opened the dishwasher, sighed an enormous sigh and said, "I wish I didn't have to do all the work." Whether four or fourteen, all parents have heard similar things. Often the preparation and effort that it takes to teach children to work is more difficult than doing it ourselves. At those times my husband reminds me of this story from Elder Loren C. Dunn:

"While we were growing up in a small community, my father saw the need for my brother and me to learn the principle of work. As a result, he put us to work on a small farm on the edge of town where he had been raised. He ran the local newspaper, so he could not spend much time with us except early in the morning and in the evening. That was quite a responsibility for two young teenagers, and sometimes we made mistakes.

Our small farm was surrounded by other farms, and one of the farmers went in to see my father one day to tell him the things he thought we were doing wrong. My father listened to him carefully and then said, 'Jim, you don't understand. You see, I'm raising boys not cows." (Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood Part B, "Lesson 15: Sharing in Family Work," p. 131)

So I'm raising a daughter not emptying the dishwasher, but in the end does it matter if she empties the dishwasher?

"Two elderly neighbors one day were talking about their lives and those of their children. John's oldest boy was just finishing college and had been on the honor roll through all of his studies. Jim's boy had just been convicted of a serious crime and sent to the state prison. Jim and John had lived side by side and been good neighbors during their sons' growing up period. Their boys had played together and had gone to school together. Jim, in discussing what had happened, stated, "The whole difference between our sons' lives was that you kept a cow, John. I recall that when the boys were playing, your boy would leave early so that he could milk and feed the cow. By keeping that cow you taught your boy responsibility." (Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood, Part B, "Lesson 11: The Father as Patriarch," p. 96)

Yes it does matter, now and in the eternities. Work is a gospel principle. Elder Neal A. Maxell said, "The gospel of work is a very important teaching of the church. If we learn to work early in life we will be better individuals, better members of families, better neighbors, and better disciples of Jesus Christ, who Himself learned to work as a carpenter." (The Friend, June 1975, p. 7)

Our task as parents is to find the "cow"! Most of us live in urban and suburban communities without the ability to keep a real cow, but we must find work, responsibilities and inner personal strength equal to that of raising a cow, especially as the summer vacation looms ahead with cries of "I'm bored!", "What can we do?" and "I don't want to do that!" Are there any "cows" out there?

School-School should be a child's first responsibility--doing homework, studying for tests, reading for assignment and pleasure. In the summer, many secondary schools offer a summer enrichment school where teens can take required courses toward graduation or elective classes. Many universities offer independent study or online classes to high school students.

Chores-Each child needs to have personal and family responsibilities. Brainstorm chores for each child based on their abilities and let them choose their own chores, selecting new ones every month or so.

Garden-Pres. Kimball taught, "We encourage you to grow all the food that you feasibly can on your own property...If there are children in your home, involve them in the process with assigned responsibilities." Plant a garden or if you don't have space for garden, try container gardening.

Family Work Projects-From cleaning out the garage to restoring a vintage automobile, the possibilities are endless. My father-in-law would buy vehicles in need of fixing-up. My husband would work on it and when it was finished, his dad would sell it and buy another. Before the time my husband could drive he had restored a '57 Chevrolet Apache and '65 Mustang. When he turned 16, dad did buy him another car--a Pinto stationwagon with wood paneling!

Start a Business- Help your teens start their own business, especially those who are not old enough to have a job. A neighbor boy wanted to earn money to save for a mission and started his own lawn mowing business. He had no lawn mowing equipment but that did not stop him. He advertised that he would mow lawns using each family's own equipment, charging a lesser fee than other lawn mowing services. We hired him and he did such an excellent job that soon he had more than 20 neighbors who hired him. What does your teen like to do? How could he earn money doing it? What about:

• Teens teaching a summer activity camp for preschool and elementary age kids.
• Young women offering their scrapbooking services to busy moms with a price-per-page or entire album pricing.
• Help with household work such as a cleaning service, window washing, car detailing, pet grooming, etc.

Jobs in the Real World-Encourage your teens to find a job in the real world. Help them write a resume, role-play an interview and look for a job. Beware of jobs requiring work on Sundays. Nothing is more important than our children attending their meetings with us. Our first priority is our relationship with our Savior and teaching our children to draw near to Him. Anything that takes us or our children away from partaking of the sacrament is non-negotiable.

Pres. David O. McKay said, "Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that the power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success."

Good luck in finding and keeping "cows".

For ideas on children, household chores and fun, see http://www.housefairy.org/

For entrepreneurial teens, see Junior Achievement at http://studentcenter.ja.org/aspx/PlanBusiness/

For garden helps, see http://www.kidsgardening.com/family.asp