Teen Suicide

The tardy bell for class had rung and I was taking roll. Over the intercom came the principal's voice telling me, my class and the school that Todd* had commited suicide. I stared at the desk in the second row where Todd sat during this class period. Waves of shock, sadness and fear gripped me as 35 other students looked at his empty desk and then at me.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the 3rd leading cause for death among 15-24 year olds and 6th leading cause for 5-14 year olds. Girls are twice as likely to attempt suicide as boys. Boys are four times more likely to die because they use more lethal methods in their attempts. Sixty percent of adolescents have thought about it. Take a look at your teen and his friends or the young women or men age group in your ward. In a Mia Maid class of 10, 6 of them have thought about committing suicide. It is estimated that for every suicide there are 8-25 attempted suicides. Four of five teens who died gave clear warning signs.

In class and around school, Todd seemed happy, surrounded by friends and always joking and having fun. Why Todd? why then? What could I have done to prevent this tragedy? What can all of us do to prevent suicide?

1. Observe your teen and and look for warning signs. The National Alliance of Mental Illness, http://www.nami.org/, lists the following signs:

• Extreme personality changes
• Loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable
• Significant loss or gain in appetite
• Difficulty falling asleep or wanting to sleep all day
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Neglect of personal appearance or hygiene
• Sadness, irritability, or indifference
• Having trouble concentrating
• Extreme anxiety or panic
• Drug or alcohol use or abuse
• Aggressive, destructive, or defiant behavior
• Poor school performance
• Hallucinations or unusual beliefs

2. Talk to your child about suicide, especially if he exibits any of the above behaviors. Do not be afraid to bring it up for fear of introducing the idea to them. It really is a matter of life or death.

3. Listen, listen and listen. What does listening look like? sound like? feel like? Is it possible to multi-task and hear what our teens are saying? Hmmm......

4. Be at the crossroads in your children's lives. In the pamphlet Mothers in Zion, Pres. Ezra Taft Bension wrote, "Take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going … whether your children are six or sixteen…" A good friend and working mother from Albuquerque, New Mexico said that if she had to do it all over again she would work when her children were in elementary school and stay home when they reached junior high, because they needed her (fully present) and her time (undivided) more at the age of 13 than they had at 5.

5. Cultivate a relationship with your teen. Listen to their music, read one of their books, play Wii with them, play on their turf to learn about their reality and surroundings and remember your own youth. Pres. Harold B. Lee said, "Today I feel that women are becoming victims of the speed of modern living. It is in building their motherly intuition and that marvelous closeness with their children that they are enabled to tune in upon the wavelengths of their children and to pick up the first signs of difficulty, of danger and distress, which if caught in time would save them from disaster." Teaching of Harold B. Lee, p. 288.

6. Pray and believe! One of my favorite verses of scripture is Alma 58:10-11, "Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people. Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him." As the Nephite armies prepared for battle, they prayed and the Lord gave them assurances, great faith and hope.

7. Use the Atonement. "And he (Christ) shall go forth, suffering pains and afflications and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people." (Alma 7:11) Jesus Christ really did take our pains and sicknesses upon him, even the tempation of suicide. From the Addiction Recovery Program manual, page 10, it gives this scripture from Alma 15:6, 8 and the following question, "Believest thou in the power of Christ unto salvation?...If thou believest in the redemption of Christ thou canst be healed." When we think of healing, we usually think about our bodies. What else about you might require the healing power of Jesus Christ?

I'm not sure all of the reasons Todd had for choosing to take his own life. But I do know that the power of the Atonement is real and that Christ has the power to heal our bodies, minds and spirits. Teenagers have a difficult time seeing a future beyond lunch so as parents, teachers and leaders we must do all we can-observe, discuss difficult topics, listen, be there, create an understanding relationship, pray and use the Atonement-to give them a glimpse into the beauty of them and their future.

Excellent Websites on Teen Suicide:

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/teen_suicide

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html

http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Helpline1/Teenage_Suicide.htm

http://www.focusas.com/Suicide.html

Teen Depression

I love teenagers. They help me to stay real. They are fun-loving, brutally honest, want to be accepted, live for today, and experience the highest of highs and lowest of lows. Unfortunately the lows can be serious. I am not a depression expert and have no expertise in diagnoses of teen depression, but I know that every teen gets depressed sometime. Teendepression.org reports that 20% of all teenagers will experience teen depression before they reach adulthood; 10-15% will have some symptons of depression at any one time; and 5% are suffering from a major depression.

Of course, the key is to be able to understand your teen's depression, its seriousness and be able to help them. In my 20-plus years of teaching high school, I have determined four sources of depression in teenagers: 1.) an identity crisis, 2.) too much to do, 3.) too little to do, and 4.) life crises.

Identity Crisis
Sister Susan W. Tanner said it best at the March 2007 General Young Women's meeting,
"Youth often experience an identity crisis, wondering who they really are. The teenage years are also a time of what I describe as “identity theft,” meaning that worldly ideas, philosophies, and deceits confuse us, buffet us, and seek to rob us of the knowledge of our true identity.
One very good young woman said to me, “Sometimes I am not sure who I am. I don’t feel Heavenly Father’s love. My life seems hard. Things are not turning out the way I wanted, hoped, and dreamed they would.” What I said to her I now say to young women everywhere: I know unequivocally that you are a daughter of God. He knows you, He loves you, and He has a plan for you. I know this is a message Heavenly Father wants me to share with you." (Susan W. Tanner, "Daughters of Heavenly Father", Ensign, May 2007)

When your teen is having an identity crisis or an episode of "identity theft", scripture chase! During a Young Women Open House, Sis. Julie B. Beck and Sis. Elaine Dalton asked young women leaders to call out scriptures that could be used to testify to youth of their identity. Leaders called out: Romans 8:16-17, Abraham 3:22-23, Doctrine & Covenants 138:38-39 and so on. Get on your knees and ask for help, get your kids into the scriptures and invite the Holy Ghost to testify to your children of their identity and worth.

Too Much to Do
The next most common cause for depression was too much to do. Some teenagers are trying to do it all. (Does that sound like anyone you might know?) Kids seem like they are juggling everything just fine and then suddenly, all the balls are on the ground and the juggler is crying, sad, withdrawn and/or angry. Home, school, homework, work, extracurricular activities, Mutual, etc. Are your kids overscheduling themselves? Are you overscheduling them? Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "But not everything...is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best." "Men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25) and Satan would like nothing better than for our teenagers to be so busy that they are miserable.

Too Little to Do
Just as teenagers can be too busy, they might not be busy enough. Again the scriptures give us sound doctrine and direction "Cease to be idle" (Doctrine & Covenants 88:124); "Men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; for the power is in them" (Doctrine & Covenants 58:27-28). The power does reside in them! There are many things that teenagers can and should be doing: helping with home responsibilities, fulfilling church callings, working in Personal Progress and Duty to God, helping the neighbors, serving their siblings.

Our Heavenly Father also taught Adam that "in the sweat of they face shalt thou eat bread." (Genesis 3:19) Work is good for us and is a crucial part of learning in this estate. In this day and age, finding meaningful work for our children is challenging, but they need it. President Ezra Taft Benson said, "Work is our blessing, not our doom." (Ensign, March 1987)

Life Crises
Life crises in teenagers have a wide range, from a bad hair day to the death of a loved one. However, it doesn't take a major crisis for your teen to experience depression. Remember that their perspective is their reality and work to understand and learn from their point of view. Does having a crisis followed by one or more depressive behaviors help them get your attention or get their way? Or is your teenager experiencing a deep, long-lasting depression that is debilitating, regardless of your attention. Don't hesitate to get professional help. Just as you would seek out medical help for a child with a broken limb, seek help for less visible mental or emotional ones.

Teens suffering from depression are 30% more likely to develop substance abuse problems, engage in risky sexual behaviors, have trouble in relationships, have poor health and are 12% more likely to commit suicide. The following websites are excellent resources.

http://www.teendepression.org/articles3.html

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/depression.html

In Alma 26, Ammon reviews his recent missionary experiences among the Lamanites where thousands were converted and became the Anti-Nephi-Lehies, the mothers and fathers of the 2000 stripling warriors. He remembers the difficulty at that time, "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold the Lord comforted us, and said; Go amongst thy brethern the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."

I testify that you and your teen are on the brink of something amazing in your lives. The Lord will comfort you as you bear with patience this affliction and that the Lord will give you greater success than you could ever know.

Cyberbullying

In a recent Sunday Young Women meeting the lesson centered on creating a spiritual atmosphere in the home. Much of the discussion focused on developing a haven, refuge, and safe place. The Young Women president related a story from her youth and commented that she knew if she could just get home, everything would be okay.

Unfortunately, safeguarding our home is not as easy as before the advent of computers and cell phones. These items, although they have many amazing applications, can also bring harmful and destructive forces into our sacred homes, especially when in the hands of our children and their peers.

Bullying has been around forever but cyberbullying is a relatively new phenomenon. What is cyberbullying? "It is bullying others through the use of technology including cellphones, instant messaging , chat rooms, social networking sites (MySpace), websites and online polls. Cyberbullying may include sending mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images; posting sensitive, private information about another person; pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad; and intentionally excluding someone from an online group". (Willard, 2005)

Statistics report that one in four of all young people between the ages of 11 and 19 have been a victim of cyberbullying. Cyberbullying varies from traditional bullying in the following ways: 1.) it may occur any time of the day or night; 2.) messages and images can be distributed quickly to a very wide audience; 3.) youth can be anonymous; 4.) youth say and do more destructive things when not in the presence of the victim. As illustrated with the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley, most young people found out about his death as a result of a text message. As quickly as it was passed from one person to another, so it is with rumors, lies and mean comments.

How can parents empower their children from becoming victims of cyberbullies? Teach them to:

• Keep personal information private. Never share names, names of friends and family, addresses, phone numbers, school name, pictures or e-mail addresses with people you don't know or don't trust. Unless you want to continually change your cellphone number or Internet service provider and put your identity at risk.
  
• Be polite. Don't say anything in an instant message, text message or chat room that you wouldn't tell someone to their face and that you don't want shared with others, possibly many others (within seconds). Delete and do not forward any correspondence that is mean, rude or inconsiderate.
• Disconnect and unplug. It is not necessary to be connected and wired all day, every day. Children need to spend time developing friendships in the real world, not just the virtual one. Spend time with each other. Kids want to spend time alone with each parent and experience some undivided attention. Invite your children's friends to your home for games, dinners, or kareoke.
  
• Trust the whisperings of the Spirit. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

What other things can parents do to prevent cyberbullying?

• Continue to develop a good relationship with your children. If they feel that they can talk to you openly without judgment, they will.
• Keep home a refuge. This is especially difficult because cyberbullying may occur in your home-cyberspace can be any "place". Keep computers in an open area where supervision is easy. Ask to see your children's cell phones for a safety check-theirs and yours.
  
• Set limits spent in the many venues of cyberspace-cell phones, instant messaging, video games. One friend in Syracuse, Utah limits the number of minutes her children can text or talk on their cellphones even though they pay for their own phones and service. 1500 minutes per month equals 50 minutes per day. That's plenty of time to text and talk!
  
• If your child is a victim of cyberbullying, actions must be taken. 1.) Recipients of bullying messages should never reply. 2.) Don't engage the bully. 3.)Save all messages. 4.) Contact cell phone providers, Internet service providers and the police. 5.) Get help from school officials, especially when bullying affects attendance, attitude and grades. Although cyberbullying may take place off campus, school officials may take action if bullying affects the educational environment for students.

With all of your teaching and educating of your children, remember to also be the student sometimes. Encourage them to to educate you about the cyberworld in which they live. Let them become your partner in the battle to protect hearth and home. Learn together from The Family: A Proclamation and create your safe haven together.

For more information, the following websites have excellent information and advice.

http://www.cyberbullying.org/

http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/by-audience/parents/bullying/cyberbullying