Lower Your Expectations

Christmas brings back lots of memories--not all of them pleasant. Each year growing up the Christmas tree was a huge source of contention. Dad would wade through the snow to find a tree, chop it down and bring it home. The only problem--Dad thought Christmas trees only needed one side. Our family had a Charlie Brown kind of tree most years to the great chagrin of my mother!

Another year my sister had asked Santa for a cassette player. We were down to the last two or three gifts to unwrap and had already checked out Santa's gifts. She started to cry because she was sure that there was no cassette player and promptly a gift was ripped from under the tree and slammed down in front of her.

After my husband and I were married, I had HUGE expectations about Christmas with my step-daughters. I had waited a long time for marriage and a family and was so excited to shop for them and find the perfect gifts. I was disappointed because it didn't always turn out the way I had imagined. (Example: think of a book you loved and how you felt when you saw the movie). So I have a new philosophy about Christmas (and most other holidays!)--Lower Your Expectations!

We often picture a "perfect" Christmas and we will always be disappointed because perfection is a realization for the next life and only a quest for this one.

How do I appropriately lower my holiday expections?

1. Take the path of least resistance. We have a blended family and now with marriages and in-laws, our children have many places they have to be, so we plan to avoid the holi"day" and celebrate at another time. For us, we have "Pie Night" on the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving and take the kids skiing on the day of Christmas Eve. We get to spend time with them and enjoy them and hopefully relieve the pressure they feel to visit another house on the "day".

2. Don't wait-do what you want to do. I've spent many a Christmas waiting for the festivities to begin when the kids or family or friends arrive. If you want to have a big breakfast, cook it. If you want to exchange presents with whomever is present at 5:00 a.m. on Christmas, exchange them. If you want to take a nap, snore away! (They'll wake you up when they arrive.)

3. Traditions can be evil. Take the Lamanites for example! Traditions are meant to be broken and created. If a tradition isn't working for you, eliminate it or change it! Everyone doesn't have to have a new pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve.

During my many single years, my friends and I created a few traditions to help us focus on the blessings we did have and not the ones we didn't. "Pretend Christmas Morning" started with my college roommates. Breakfast was eated and gifts exchanged in our pajamas! This tradition continued beyond college.

The New Year's Eve "Movie Marathon" was created after many years of waiting for a cute boy to ring in the New Year with me. The disappointment of having no one to kiss at midnight became too great and so...the movie marathon was born. Friends and I would start watching movies in the afternoon, take a break for dinner and make sure that we were in a dark theatre when the clock struck twelve.

4. Keep or find a sense of humor and perspective--a valuable tool for large gatherings of family and festivities. The one-sided Christmas trees are a favorite tale now in our family and would you rather have a broken ornament or a broken heart. I am always looking for the "story to tell." There is one every year.

Since I've lowered my expectations, Christmas seems to get better and better each year. And when I focus on the reason for the season, I'm never disappointed.