When I became a school administrator, one of my duties was to supervise students as they waited to board their bus. That duty became a window not only into the bussing of students but also into the teenage driver as I watched the parking lots empty.
I'm convinced that if parents observed the driving of teenagers in high school parking lots at the end of the school day, they would not let their teens drive to school--maybe not anywhere. Those parking lots capture in just a few minutes what worries all of us as our children sit in the driver's seat:
- driving too fast,
- driving recklessly,
- paying more attention to the distractions of cell phones, friends, and music than to the driving,
- not wearing a seat belt, and
- not seeing pedestrians.
What can we do to protect and help our teens as they embark on the world of driving?
Model good driving. Our children learn from our example in all things, even driving. How you drive signals to them what is acceptable. Is it okay to:
- speed just 7 or 8 miles over the limit,
- roll through stop signs,
- talk or text on a cell phone,
- follow too closely,
- pass too daringly,
- drive aggressively,
- participate in road rage behaviors?
Discuss the rules long before they begin driving. Reason and sound judgment are more likely to prevail long before the prospect of driving arrives. However, there is also a pretty good window of discussion time right before your teen can obtain their driving permit. Discuss and determine the driving rules for your home. If contracts interest you, AAA has a fabulous one available for download at http://www.aaa.com/.
Cell phone use while driving continues to increase and texting is of particular concern. A recent study by the University of Utah's Applied Cognition Laboratory found that if you text while driving, you are six times more likely to have an accident. While driving under the influence of alcohol, you are four times as likely to have an accident. Cell phone use while driving will be dangerous. Although teens believe that their cell phone is actually a part of their hand, it is not and should be put away while driving. Make sure that cell phones, friends and music are each a part of the discussion.
If you have already crossed that bridge, remember that driving is a privilege not a right and you can revoke the license. Take the keys and supply your teen with a bus schedule.
Discourage teens from buying a car. The purchase of a car has been the demise of many a good student. Many teens want to have their own car and really don't want to drive their parent's car. Unfortunately, the financial responsibility of a car payment, insurance and maintenance become the number one priority and school, religious and other commitments fall way below the #1 priority of "the car".
One family bought an inexpensive car when their first child began driving. It was understood that it was not the sole property of the teen with a license; gas was paid for by the child driving it; insurance was split by the parents and teens; and there was one car for all the teen drivers (at one time, there were three teens in the household who shared the car). The positive outcomes of this particular arrangement were:
- respect for property. These kids learned (sometimes the hard way) to fill up the tank, keep it clean, schedule its use, and make repairs.
- respect for one another. The arrangement required them to work together to get to school, activities, go on dates, etc. They learned to care for, wait for and help one another.
- respect for parents. Respect was shown to the teens and expected in return. These teens learned that honoring parents keeps you safe and happy.
Love them through the crashes. There will be crashes, hopefully just fender benders and not fatalities. It may be their fault and there will need to be teaching, modeling and practice, but love them through it. Yelling, berating and shaming them will not undo what was done. They may act tough but they will be devastated.
