When I was in high school one of my English teachers assigned a paper in which I was to list and describe my goals for the next five years. I wrote the paper, turned it in and forgot about it. A few years later, the paper was returned to me. It arrived during a particularly difficult time in my life. I read:
I will go to college.
Check.
I will graduate from college.
Check.
I will go to France.
Check.
I will get a job as a teacher.
Check.
I will get married.
Hmmmm.
The power of setting goals and writing them down was sitting in front of me. I had reached all of the goals I had set for myself that I had complete control of. (A marriage is a difficult goal to accomplish by yourself!) As I reflected on all of my accomplishments, I realized my current depression and unhappiness came from my lack of new goals and dreams. I was plodding along just trying to survive day to day instead of having a plan and knowing how my day to day routines are helping me get to a better place or to become a better person.
At this time of year many New Year’s resolutions are made but statistics show that after three weeks 50 percent of those resolutions have been abandoned. Webster’s Dictionary defines a resolution as “the state or quality of being resolute; determination.” The word by definition seems restrictive and unchanging. I prefer the word “goal” which is defined as “the result toward which effort is directed.” Effort may ebb and flow but a result shines in the distance and inspires.
There is great power in writing goals down. Writing them down takes them beyond a fleeting wish or a vain hope. One of my New Year’s traditions is to write down new goals each year. I begin by reviewing the previous year’s goals and checking my progress. I am always amazed at the goals that were accomplished or the steps that were taken toward their accomplishment without even realizing that I was doing it. Then I proceed to set goals for the current year. Some goals need additional time and continue from year to year (i.e. lose weight and become fit) and some goals are brand new.
Goals are an eternal principal. “Improvement and progression have one eternal round.” (“If You Could Hie to Kolob”, Hymns, 284) Goal setting and achieving are so important that the Lord has provided many resources for us, especially our youth, to teach us how to set goals and to progress. Faith in God, Personal Progress, Duty to God and Pursuit of Excellence are all excellent resources to help us to continually “increase in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.” (Luke 2:52) “The program teaches you to make commitments, carry them out, and report your progress to a parent or leader. These are patterns you will use throughout your life to learn and improve as a woman.” (Young Women Personal Progress, p. 7)
One wise woman in Layton, Utah felt she needed some spiritual enlightenment and after browsing the shelves at the Distribution Center decided to study the Young Women Personal Progress program. Through following the program and setting goals, she experienced a greater sense of spirituality. One stake Young Women president teaches, “The Personal Progress program will enhance anything they (young women) are doing. Personal Progress helps a young woman make all things spiritual, from school work to church work.” Although Faith in God, Personal Progress and Duty to God are all designed for the youth, they can help all of us at any age and if you have children 8-18, I challenge you to study the programs alongside your children. It will enhance your relationship with them and strengthen your testimony.
How do you set your own goals? My favorite goal idea is based on the idea of goal setting in the business management realm. I’ve adapted them to fit my purposes.
Goals should be SMART.
S-specific, What exactly do I hope to accomplish?
M-measurable, How will I know when I have accomplished it?
A-attainable, Is it realistic? Am I able to do it? Am I willing to do it?
R-report, Who do I report my progress to?
T-timely, When do I hope to accomplish it?
In the 2007 General Relief Society meeting Sister Julie B. Beck said, “In order to do our part as women under the Lord’s plan, we must stand strong and immovable in faith, strong and immovable in family, and strong and immovable in relief. We must excel in these three important areas which set us apart as the Lord’s disciples.” We can no longer haphazardly live from day to day. We must have a plan and we must help our children plan to excel and progress as the Lord’s disciples.
After reading, rereading, pondering and studying that essay from my English class, I realized that I was depressed and unhappy because my progression had stopped. I was surviving instead of thriving. Goals help us to thrive in our lives, spiritual and temporal.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Christmas Season
The Christmas Season is such an exciting and fun time for most students but it can be a difficult and sad season for some. At school, more conflicts erupt during December, especially as Christmas and the vacation draw near. Although many families receive loving help from others, there are always other children and families who may lack both physical and spiritual assets but would never ask for help or reveal their situation to others.
Be attentive to your children’s friends and their words and actions. Do they seem unusually quiet and withdrawn or boisterous and loud? How do they respond when others ask them what they want or what their family does for Christmas? An extreme answer or no answer at all may signal a particular need during this season. Some will need physical help, such as basic needs of clothing and food. Others will need spiritual help such as an arm around the shoulders, spending time, listening, etc.
One Christmas teachers at school decided to join together to provide the Twelve Days of Christmas for a colleague and her family. On the 12th day, each teacher was to provide a couple of food items for this family. I had forgotten until another teacher appeared at my doorstep to collect my goodies. I randomly threw in some items I had already purchased and made: chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, Christmas candy and cookies.
After Christmas, this colleague shared her experience of being the recipient with me. She was feeling sorry for herself and decided that she would go to the grocery store and use her credit card to buy fun and festive food they couldn’t afford but she wanted. She purchased the food and went home to find a basket of food filled with exactly the same items she had just bought. She realized that the Lord was mindful of her and she needed to trust in him. I learned that sometimes simply being willing to be an instrument will put you in a place to serve and He will guide your mind and hands.
Be willing to serve and the Lord will guide your mind and hands as you observe and hear the things your child’s friends do and say. A loaf of bread, an invitation to a family event or following other inspiration will bless the lives of all.
Great Gifts for Teachers
Teachers appreciate gifts from students and their parents and the Christmas season is a great time to express appreciation; but honestly, teachers have plenty of teacher mugs and apple ornaments. What gifts would earn an A+ from your teacher?
Belinda’s Top Ten
#10-Gift certificates for dinner, the movies, or the local office supply store. (Teachers love office supply stores!)
#9- Favorite bag of treats for the treat jar.
#8-Hand sanitizer (in gallon bottles!)
#7-Breakfast or lunch kits. (i.e. granola bars and juice boxes, instant soup and crackers)
#6-A donation of a book to either the teacher’s classroom library or the school library.
#5-A package of sharpened pencils, fun-colored pens, sticky notes and stickers.
#4-Coupons for correcting papers, putting up a bulletin board or helping in the classroom.
#3-A note of appreciation from parents.
#2-A note of appreciation from students, especially ones that express the specific things that this teacher does to help you. (I have a file of every letter a student has ever given me-they are priceless!)
#1-Homework turned in and on time. What every teacher dreams of! (parents too!)
Christmas break is a good time to catch your breath and catch up. After the holiday recess, students head into the longest and hardest time of the year. From January to April, there are few breaks and the most challenging curriculum is presented at this time. Use the holiday to complete missing assignments, read an extra book for book reports or one assigned for next term, get started on the science fair project…you get the idea.
Merry Christmas. May your Christmas be full of fun with family, service to others and joy in our Savior and his perfect life, love and gift.
Be attentive to your children’s friends and their words and actions. Do they seem unusually quiet and withdrawn or boisterous and loud? How do they respond when others ask them what they want or what their family does for Christmas? An extreme answer or no answer at all may signal a particular need during this season. Some will need physical help, such as basic needs of clothing and food. Others will need spiritual help such as an arm around the shoulders, spending time, listening, etc.
One Christmas teachers at school decided to join together to provide the Twelve Days of Christmas for a colleague and her family. On the 12th day, each teacher was to provide a couple of food items for this family. I had forgotten until another teacher appeared at my doorstep to collect my goodies. I randomly threw in some items I had already purchased and made: chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, Christmas candy and cookies.
After Christmas, this colleague shared her experience of being the recipient with me. She was feeling sorry for herself and decided that she would go to the grocery store and use her credit card to buy fun and festive food they couldn’t afford but she wanted. She purchased the food and went home to find a basket of food filled with exactly the same items she had just bought. She realized that the Lord was mindful of her and she needed to trust in him. I learned that sometimes simply being willing to be an instrument will put you in a place to serve and He will guide your mind and hands.
Be willing to serve and the Lord will guide your mind and hands as you observe and hear the things your child’s friends do and say. A loaf of bread, an invitation to a family event or following other inspiration will bless the lives of all.
Great Gifts for Teachers
Teachers appreciate gifts from students and their parents and the Christmas season is a great time to express appreciation; but honestly, teachers have plenty of teacher mugs and apple ornaments. What gifts would earn an A+ from your teacher?
Belinda’s Top Ten
#10-Gift certificates for dinner, the movies, or the local office supply store. (Teachers love office supply stores!)
#9- Favorite bag of treats for the treat jar.
#8-Hand sanitizer (in gallon bottles!)
#7-Breakfast or lunch kits. (i.e. granola bars and juice boxes, instant soup and crackers)
#6-A donation of a book to either the teacher’s classroom library or the school library.
#5-A package of sharpened pencils, fun-colored pens, sticky notes and stickers.
#4-Coupons for correcting papers, putting up a bulletin board or helping in the classroom.
#3-A note of appreciation from parents.
#2-A note of appreciation from students, especially ones that express the specific things that this teacher does to help you. (I have a file of every letter a student has ever given me-they are priceless!)
#1-Homework turned in and on time. What every teacher dreams of! (parents too!)
Christmas break is a good time to catch your breath and catch up. After the holiday recess, students head into the longest and hardest time of the year. From January to April, there are few breaks and the most challenging curriculum is presented at this time. Use the holiday to complete missing assignments, read an extra book for book reports or one assigned for next term, get started on the science fair project…you get the idea.
Merry Christmas. May your Christmas be full of fun with family, service to others and joy in our Savior and his perfect life, love and gift.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Bullying at School
At the end of my eighth grade year, the eighth graders went on an annual field trip to a nearby swimming pool. As was tradition, the upperclassmen of the high school met the school bus several miles outside the city and followed the bus back to the junior high to snatch eighth graders off the bus and “initiate” them to high school. No administrator, teacher, parents or older brothers and sisters were present to protect us or stop this tradition. I was terrified at who might take me and what they might do to me or make me do. Although this type of bullying called “hazing” has seen a decrease in society, other forms of bullying, especially cyberbullying, has been on the rise. Through the next three weeks, I will examine the world of bullying, mean girls and cyberbullying.
The Webster’s Dictionary defines “bully”as a person who habitually intimidates weaker people. Statistics from The National Youth Violence Prevention Center report that 30 percent of all students in grades 6-10 are involved in bullying as the bully, the target of bullying or both and i-Safe.org reports that 58 percent of children grades 4-8 admit that someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. Personally, I believe there are many more incidents of bullying than are reported, especially electronically with cell phones and the Internet. “Cyberbullying” can be more destructive and damaging because of the bully’s ability to hide behind the electronic devices.
In her book The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, Barbara Coloroso uses the labels of bully, bullied and bystander to describe the “three characters of a tragic play performed daily in our homes, playgrounds and streets.” (p. 3) She asserts that most young children try out all three roles and eventually abandon the bully and the bullied to become bystanders while some become typecast into a role and find it difficult to break out of it. “The goal is to gain a clearer understanding of these roles and how the interactions…though commonplace in our culture, are not healthy, not normal and certainly not necessary and in fact can be devastating to children playing any of the three characters.” (p. 5)
Coloroso identifies three kinds of bullying:
verbal,
physical (used mostly by boys),
relational (used mostly by girls),
She asserts that bullying will always include these markers:
Imbalance of power
Intent to harm
Threat of further aggression, and if bullying is unnoticed and/or unrestricted, it will lead to terror.
Is your student being bullied? If he is reluctant or refuses to go to school, withdraws from normal activities, is unusually anxious, or has recurring illnesses, the reason may be a bullying situation.
What can a student do when he encounters a bully? The most successful results I have seen have been when a student stands up for himself-not with fighting or violence-but with his own voice. Students who express their dislike of the treatment, tell the bully to stop, walk away and then report it to an adult seem to encounter fewer subsequent bullying incidents than others. Cindi Seddon, a teacher and principal, recommends:
- Stand straight and tall if faced with a bully; look him straight in the eye.
- Be polite but firm. Tell the bully “Stop it, I don’t like it. Leave me alone.”
- Don’t cry or show you are upset. Walk away if you can’t hide your feelings.
- Report events to an adult you trust. Expect action to be taken.
What should parents do if their student is being bullied? Coloroso recommends a few do’s and don’ts for parents.
Do:
Say “Tell me about it,” then be quiet and listen. Your student needs to know that you hear him, you believe him, and he is not alone.
Let your student know it is not his fault.
Reaffirm that your student is not alone and together we can come up with an effective plan.
Report the bullying to school personnel.
Don’t:
Minimize, rationalize or explain away the bully’s behavior
Don’t rush in to solve the problem. Give them support, instruction and guidance to help them change the situation.
Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully. It is okay to avoid the bully to avoid immediate and present danger, but it is not a long-term solution to the bullying and will not solve the problem.
Don’t tell your child to fight back. Fighting is not the answer. Be assertive and help your child find his voice.
Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.
In addition, my suggestions come from the scriptures. D&C 10: 5 “Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work.” Matthew 5:44 “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father in which is in heaven.” Matthew 17:21 “This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.” Just as we would go in prayer to our Heavenly Father in other trials so should we pray for, fast for and love bullies. It is in His perfect love that solutions and strength will be found.
Luckily for me, my grandma provided a means of escape from the eighth grade initiation. May these resources help you and your student find their voice, solutions and peace.
Resources
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Friends
“Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become.” For the Strength of Youth, pg. 12.
Friendships are a source of great joy or heartache and can be a most difficult parenting issue. The minute a child enters school the importance and influence of friends increases and will continue to throughout their teenage years. How can parents help guide children to choose friends who share their values, increase their self-worth and have fun, especially as they meet and become friends outside your circle of family, friends and ward members?
I have taught some exceptional young men and women and I always ask their parents how they reared them. One parent of four outstanding teenagers told me that when their children were young, they purposefully sought out families who shared their values and interests and began to form friendships with them. They shared meals, vacations, holidays and birthdays. The children formed long-lasting friendships with one another and those bonds lasted through elementary, middle and high school and now the children share their own experiences as mothers and fathers.
Create the “Kool-Aid” home. When I was growing up, Kool-Aid ran a commercial where all of the kids were at one house-the one where mom had a full pitcher of Kool-Aid. Find ways to invite your children’s friends into your home. Some ideas: provide good food, especially for teenage boys, for weekends, holidays, test-cramming sessions, and group dates; invite moms and kids to your home for lunch; sponsor a “tween” book club, craft club or cooking club; play night games with the neighborhood. Brainstorm with your kids and lots of ideas will emerge.
Volunteer at school. As you serve as a class mom, PTA commissioner, or booster club member, you will broaden your circle of friends and become better acquainted with your child’s friends.
Practice being a good friend. Becoming a good friend is a learned behavior. Home is the place where those skills are learned and practiced with parents, siblings, grandparents, and other extended family. Often parents believe that friend difficulties will eventually resolve themselves. Coaching children through rough friendships, teaching and practicing life skills with them will help your children gain the knowledge and skills necessary to become a good friend, attract good friends, and remove themselves from negative friendships. “Successful marriages and families [and friendships] are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities.” The Family, A Proclamation to the World.
What do you do if your child has chosen some friends that do not share your values, or increase your child’s self worth, or participate in harmful activities?
Prayer
Alma the Younger was visited by an angel because “Behold, the Lord hath heard… the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed much concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.” (Mosiah 27:14) Prayer is your best weapon against evil influences. Your child may not see an angel, but equally powerful experiences can come to them dependent upon your faith and prayers. Pray for good friends to enter your children’s lives.
Communication.
Keep the communication lines open. Start while they are young and listen, listen, listen. When you need to have difficult talks, I like the advice of the prophet, Joseph Smith, “Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” (quoted by John Taylor, in “The Organization of the Church,” Millennial Star, Nov. 15, 1851, 339)
Do we allow them to govern themselves completely? No. As parents we are responsible to teach agency but it is also our responsibility to limit their choices according to their understanding. The Lord has given us guidance on when to allow children more governance. Look at the ages when milestones occur within the gospel setting:
Age 8-baptism
know right from wrong, accountable for our sins, receive the Holy Ghost and learn to feel His influence
Age 12-ordination of the Aaronic Priesthood; participating in Young Women and Young Men organization; receive callings
Have more knowledge and experience with the Holy Ghost, ready to learn how to bless other's lives, focus on others--not themselves (Ha! Ha! Ha!-this is a lifelong process for all of us!), put away childish things.
Age 14-participate in seminary, youth conferences and EFY
Even more knowledge and experience; practice respect of priesthood and womanhood, ready to discuss serious topics in a mature way
Age 16-begin to date in groups
Increasing in knowledge, experience and independence.
Age 19 and beyond-become a missionary, wife, husband, mothers and fathers
Have “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Luke 2:52
As parents, perhaps we should be conscious of these “gospel milestones” and the added agency they suggest we allow. As we teach our children the gospel of Jesus Christ and then allow them to make choices within their realm of knowledge and experience our children will learn to be responsible for their decisions and know that consequences exist.
Be the Parent.
Parents sometimes mistakenly think that in order to have influence and remain close to their children during the teenage years they need to become their friend. Nothing is further from the truth. They have friends--what they need is a parent. In Teach Ye Diligently, Boyd K. Packer teaches, “…when young people want help--when they really want help--they reach up, not over.” (pg. 285) Parents must remain the parent, establishing rules, appropriate consequences and discipline.
Above all, parents should be the example. The old adage "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" is expecially true in looking at relationships. Our children will follow our example in forming, maintaining and even dissolving friendships. Are you a friend you would want your child to choose?
“These are only hints and guesses,
Hints followed by guesses; and the rest
Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action.” T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
Friendships are a source of great joy or heartache and can be a most difficult parenting issue. The minute a child enters school the importance and influence of friends increases and will continue to throughout their teenage years. How can parents help guide children to choose friends who share their values, increase their self-worth and have fun, especially as they meet and become friends outside your circle of family, friends and ward members?
I have taught some exceptional young men and women and I always ask their parents how they reared them. One parent of four outstanding teenagers told me that when their children were young, they purposefully sought out families who shared their values and interests and began to form friendships with them. They shared meals, vacations, holidays and birthdays. The children formed long-lasting friendships with one another and those bonds lasted through elementary, middle and high school and now the children share their own experiences as mothers and fathers.
Create the “Kool-Aid” home. When I was growing up, Kool-Aid ran a commercial where all of the kids were at one house-the one where mom had a full pitcher of Kool-Aid. Find ways to invite your children’s friends into your home. Some ideas: provide good food, especially for teenage boys, for weekends, holidays, test-cramming sessions, and group dates; invite moms and kids to your home for lunch; sponsor a “tween” book club, craft club or cooking club; play night games with the neighborhood. Brainstorm with your kids and lots of ideas will emerge.
Volunteer at school. As you serve as a class mom, PTA commissioner, or booster club member, you will broaden your circle of friends and become better acquainted with your child’s friends.
Practice being a good friend. Becoming a good friend is a learned behavior. Home is the place where those skills are learned and practiced with parents, siblings, grandparents, and other extended family. Often parents believe that friend difficulties will eventually resolve themselves. Coaching children through rough friendships, teaching and practicing life skills with them will help your children gain the knowledge and skills necessary to become a good friend, attract good friends, and remove themselves from negative friendships. “Successful marriages and families [and friendships] are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities.” The Family, A Proclamation to the World.
What do you do if your child has chosen some friends that do not share your values, or increase your child’s self worth, or participate in harmful activities?
Prayer
Alma the Younger was visited by an angel because “Behold, the Lord hath heard… the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed much concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.” (Mosiah 27:14) Prayer is your best weapon against evil influences. Your child may not see an angel, but equally powerful experiences can come to them dependent upon your faith and prayers. Pray for good friends to enter your children’s lives.
Communication.
Keep the communication lines open. Start while they are young and listen, listen, listen. When you need to have difficult talks, I like the advice of the prophet, Joseph Smith, “Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” (quoted by John Taylor, in “The Organization of the Church,” Millennial Star, Nov. 15, 1851, 339)
Do we allow them to govern themselves completely? No. As parents we are responsible to teach agency but it is also our responsibility to limit their choices according to their understanding. The Lord has given us guidance on when to allow children more governance. Look at the ages when milestones occur within the gospel setting:
Age 8-baptism
know right from wrong, accountable for our sins, receive the Holy Ghost and learn to feel His influence
Age 12-ordination of the Aaronic Priesthood; participating in Young Women and Young Men organization; receive callings
Have more knowledge and experience with the Holy Ghost, ready to learn how to bless other's lives, focus on others--not themselves (Ha! Ha! Ha!-this is a lifelong process for all of us!), put away childish things.
Age 14-participate in seminary, youth conferences and EFY
Even more knowledge and experience; practice respect of priesthood and womanhood, ready to discuss serious topics in a mature way
Age 16-begin to date in groups
Increasing in knowledge, experience and independence.
Age 19 and beyond-become a missionary, wife, husband, mothers and fathers
Have “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Luke 2:52
As parents, perhaps we should be conscious of these “gospel milestones” and the added agency they suggest we allow. As we teach our children the gospel of Jesus Christ and then allow them to make choices within their realm of knowledge and experience our children will learn to be responsible for their decisions and know that consequences exist.
Be the Parent.
Parents sometimes mistakenly think that in order to have influence and remain close to their children during the teenage years they need to become their friend. Nothing is further from the truth. They have friends--what they need is a parent. In Teach Ye Diligently, Boyd K. Packer teaches, “…when young people want help--when they really want help--they reach up, not over.” (pg. 285) Parents must remain the parent, establishing rules, appropriate consequences and discipline.
Above all, parents should be the example. The old adage "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" is expecially true in looking at relationships. Our children will follow our example in forming, maintaining and even dissolving friendships. Are you a friend you would want your child to choose?
“These are only hints and guesses,
Hints followed by guesses; and the rest
Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action.” T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
Monday, October 22, 2007
Scholarships and Financial Aid
Do you have a preschooler that you want to send to college? Now is the time to save! Do you have a high school sophomore who wants to go to college? Now is the time to research and prepare to apply for scholarships and financial aid. Wait a minute-you have a senior? It’s time to get started, now!
Things to consider:
The Fund of Mom and Dad
A good friend once told me that her ability to help her children go to college was her insurance plan--her insurance that some day she would have a life! The reality is that the Fund of Mom and Dad will probably need to contribute for a student to continue and finish their post-secondary education. When and how much the Fund of Mom and Dad contributes is completely up to the trustees-mom and dad. You may want to consider that students who are required to make some personal financial contribution certainly appreciate their education more than those who do not. In addition, those who invest their own money and sweat equity get better grades.
Early College & University Credit:
Student may take Advanced Placement (AP) courses, concurrent enrollment classes or participate in an early college program that enables your student to earn college or university credit while still in high school. Advanced Placement courses offer a course-end exam which colleges will then award credit or advanced standing to students with passing scores. Visit http://www.collegeboard.com/apstudents for more information. Concurrent enrollment courses are local college courses offered at the local high school, usually taught by a high school teacher with college credentials. Check with your high school to learn more. Many colleges and universities also offer an “early college” program. Early college students attend college and pay tuition but earn both college credit and high school credit. Your high school counselor will have more information.
Reimbursement Plan: The student pays his/her own tuition and if he/she maintains a certain GPA, the Fund of Mom and Dad would offer a tuition reimbursement after grades are posted to the transcript.
Start saving! It is never too late and a few months worth of saving is better than zero months! Try a matching percentage with your student, similar to an employee-matching program for a 401k. If your student has some time before college, perhaps starting a 529 plan (an educational savings plan operated by individual states) or joining Upromise (a rewards program for educational savings with an option to create a 529 plan) would help.
Federal Financial Aid
Apply for federal financial aid through http://www.fafsa.org/. Applications are due June 28, 2008.You must fill out detailed forms using income tax returns, bank account and investment account information. The Federal Government expects that each family will contribute financially to a higher education therefore they calculate an EFC (Expected Family Contribution). It takes time and effort to fill out, but the worst thing they can tell you is “no”.
Scholarships
Colleges & Universities-
Scholarship application deadlines at colleges and universities are usually between January 1 and February 1. Begin now to apply. Most institutions have applications online. Start now to complete applications, request letters of recommendation and transcripts, and write personal essays. Research and apply for both general school scholarships and departmental scholarships. Many university alumni associations also offer a scholarship.
Employers-
A large number of employers offer a scholarship competition. Check with both your student’s employer and your employer to see if a scholarship is offered. If so, apply!
Local Service Organizations and Cities-
Check with your local Kiwanis, Lions, and Elk’s Clubs. They, and some municipalities, generally offer scholarships as well. Your high school counseling office will have local information.
High School Counseling Office-
Most counseling offices produce a scholarship bulletin. Weary your counseling department with your face and pleasant requests for new bulletins or if any new scholarships have become available.
Public Libraries-
Public libraries will post advertisements from local entities who offer scholarships.
Online-
Several websites offer scholarship searches. Most offer free registration. My top three picks are:
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://www.finaid.org/
http://www.scholarships.com/
Word of Mouth-
Let family members, neighbors and friends know that you are on a scholarship and financial aid search. They may have resources and information that will help you.
Loans
Stafford-a federally subsidized loan program
PLUS-federal loan that a parent may obtain for a dependent undergraduate student.
Private-loans from any private lending institution
“Be willing to work diligently and make sacrifices to obtain learning. Education is an investment that brings great rewards. You live in a competitive world where a good education opens the doors of opportunity that may otherwise be closed to you.” (For the Strength of Youth, pg. 9)
One of the greatest blessings in my life is my education. Through it, I have been able to experience “being an instrument in His hands.” The work and sacrifice for my education has brought me amazing career, family and personal rewards. Make a plan with your student to work and sacrifice to obtain these blessings. The Church has a terrific website with more information on financial aid, Church-sponsored schools and more. Check it out at www.besmart.com.
Things to consider:
The Fund of Mom and Dad
A good friend once told me that her ability to help her children go to college was her insurance plan--her insurance that some day she would have a life! The reality is that the Fund of Mom and Dad will probably need to contribute for a student to continue and finish their post-secondary education. When and how much the Fund of Mom and Dad contributes is completely up to the trustees-mom and dad. You may want to consider that students who are required to make some personal financial contribution certainly appreciate their education more than those who do not. In addition, those who invest their own money and sweat equity get better grades.
Early College & University Credit:
Student may take Advanced Placement (AP) courses, concurrent enrollment classes or participate in an early college program that enables your student to earn college or university credit while still in high school. Advanced Placement courses offer a course-end exam which colleges will then award credit or advanced standing to students with passing scores. Visit http://www.collegeboard.com/apstudents for more information. Concurrent enrollment courses are local college courses offered at the local high school, usually taught by a high school teacher with college credentials. Check with your high school to learn more. Many colleges and universities also offer an “early college” program. Early college students attend college and pay tuition but earn both college credit and high school credit. Your high school counselor will have more information.
Reimbursement Plan: The student pays his/her own tuition and if he/she maintains a certain GPA, the Fund of Mom and Dad would offer a tuition reimbursement after grades are posted to the transcript.
Start saving! It is never too late and a few months worth of saving is better than zero months! Try a matching percentage with your student, similar to an employee-matching program for a 401k. If your student has some time before college, perhaps starting a 529 plan (an educational savings plan operated by individual states) or joining Upromise (a rewards program for educational savings with an option to create a 529 plan) would help.
Federal Financial Aid
Apply for federal financial aid through http://www.fafsa.org/. Applications are due June 28, 2008.You must fill out detailed forms using income tax returns, bank account and investment account information. The Federal Government expects that each family will contribute financially to a higher education therefore they calculate an EFC (Expected Family Contribution). It takes time and effort to fill out, but the worst thing they can tell you is “no”.
Scholarships
Colleges & Universities-
Scholarship application deadlines at colleges and universities are usually between January 1 and February 1. Begin now to apply. Most institutions have applications online. Start now to complete applications, request letters of recommendation and transcripts, and write personal essays. Research and apply for both general school scholarships and departmental scholarships. Many university alumni associations also offer a scholarship.
Employers-
A large number of employers offer a scholarship competition. Check with both your student’s employer and your employer to see if a scholarship is offered. If so, apply!
Local Service Organizations and Cities-
Check with your local Kiwanis, Lions, and Elk’s Clubs. They, and some municipalities, generally offer scholarships as well. Your high school counseling office will have local information.
High School Counseling Office-
Most counseling offices produce a scholarship bulletin. Weary your counseling department with your face and pleasant requests for new bulletins or if any new scholarships have become available.
Public Libraries-
Public libraries will post advertisements from local entities who offer scholarships.
Online-
Several websites offer scholarship searches. Most offer free registration. My top three picks are:
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://www.finaid.org/
http://www.scholarships.com/
Word of Mouth-
Let family members, neighbors and friends know that you are on a scholarship and financial aid search. They may have resources and information that will help you.
Loans
Stafford-a federally subsidized loan program
PLUS-federal loan that a parent may obtain for a dependent undergraduate student.
Private-loans from any private lending institution
“Be willing to work diligently and make sacrifices to obtain learning. Education is an investment that brings great rewards. You live in a competitive world where a good education opens the doors of opportunity that may otherwise be closed to you.” (For the Strength of Youth, pg. 9)
One of the greatest blessings in my life is my education. Through it, I have been able to experience “being an instrument in His hands.” The work and sacrifice for my education has brought me amazing career, family and personal rewards. Make a plan with your student to work and sacrifice to obtain these blessings. The Church has a terrific website with more information on financial aid, Church-sponsored schools and more. Check it out at www.besmart.com.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Opposition in All Things
I received a C in my physical education class in 9th grade. How does someone get a C in P.E.? I could not perform the minimum requirements for chin-ups and pull-ups. Why not? A couple of reasons: first, a couple of broken arms, one very serious, had left me with some diminished strength and function in one arm and second, a very bad attitude about P.E. in general-I hated it!-and the teacher-I was scared of him. After grades were reported, my mom went to meet with Coach M. to see what could be done to change my grade. Nothing. My high school transcript reports a C grade. Coach M. was not willing to allow me to do anything to change that grade. The requirements were set and I had not met them.
2 Nephi 2:11 says, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things…” and school is no exception. Every student will face some type of conflict in their school years; many with peers, some with teachers, maybe with an administrator. How parents help students manage conflict will not only determine the outcome of a current conflict but their future success in a career and family.
How can students and parents more effectively handle conflict at school? As a former student, teacher and administrator, I have experienced three different roles in conflict resolution. My recommendations are:
Students are their own best advocates.
Follow the chain of command.
Attitude makes all of the difference.
Students are their own best advocates.
When the conflict is between a student and a teacher, parents should first encourage the student to resolve it. Immediately! Don’t let an issue that is a molehill turn into a mountain. Conflict is best resolved between the immediately involved parties (i.e. student and teacher, student and student, student and administrator, etc.) Students must learn to advocate for themselves. To be able to respectfully converse with an adult is a life skill that will help children in situations ranging from school to church to community.
Role-play is an effective way to coach children and prepare them to respond to any of a number of situations. Parents can act as a coach and can role-play various situations with students to prepare to talk with a teacher. A phrase that has worked for me personally and one I have taught thousands of students is “I feel (state the emotion) about (state the situation) because (state your reasons)”. Do not use the word “you” at all. People can’t argue about your emotions because they are uniquely yours, and avoiding the use of “you” takes the blaming aspect away. This puts the emphasis on the issue and its resolution.
If students are nervous to talk to their teachers, parents should accompany the student, but allow the student to resolve the conflict. After the student has worked out the conflict with the teacher, parents should follow up with a phone call or email to the teacher to express thanks or clarify unclear details.
As a teacher, I admired and respected students who approached me with problems and concerns they had about lessons, assignments, tests and even me! I also observed that students who solved their own problems owned their problems. Often, students want their parents to solve the problem because they are avoiding the responsibility for inappropriate behavior. I have often wondered if a different resolution would have emerged if I had had the courage to talk to Coach M. during the course of the class, instead of having my mother do so afterword.
Follow the chain of command.
If a teacher is uncooperative or unwilling to work with a student, parents should intervene. Be prepared with several solutions-not just one. Rarely will an ultimatum result in the desired outcome, but being willing to compromise may result in a better outcome that you can imagine at the time.
Try to look at the issue from the teacher’s perspective. Remember that they are not teaching only your child. Teachers may have 15 to 40 students in a class and teachers must consider how all students may be affected. We are counseled in the church to consider the effects of change on others. The Guidebook for Parents and Leaders for Youth counsels, “When making any changes or exceptions for one person, leaders should consider the effect those changes may have on the other young women.” (p.19) Teachers consider those effects on their class or classes as well.
As an administrator, it was frustrating to receive a call from a parent about an issue with a teacher with whom they had not spoken. I then became nothing more than a messenger who asked the teacher to give the parent a call. If at all possible, speak directly to the person with whom you or your student has the conflict. If, after speaking to the teacher you are not satisfied, then call the school administrators, then the district officials. To resolve a conflict that goes all the way to the school superintendent, it will usually take a meeting with everyone from the student to the superintendent.
Administrators advocate for the best solution between students and teachers and seek for a fair solution. Do not expect equal solutions. Each student is different with different needs and no two situations are exactly the same. The real question is whether the solution is fair for your student and the teacher?
Attitude makes all of the difference.
I hated P.E. and that attitude influenced my ability to perform. I didn’t admit it then, but now I know I could have done it if I’d set my mind to it. There are exceptions to this philosophy but they are few in number. Teachers know that most students don’t usually love English, math, history or science; and they work to make learning engaging, interesting and fun. Students with positive attitudes and a willing disposition help in untold ways. When those “good attitude” students have a bad day, make a mistake or fail a test, a teacher is much more willing to do whatever it takes to help them resolve the problem.
In Alma 42:25 it reads, “What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit.” My personal belief is that very few teachers are simply insensitive or mean; their discipline style is centered on justice rather than mercy. They are going to be the teacher that teaches a student how life is really going to be or teach them a major lesson rather than be merciful. Much of the outcome may be based on the student’s cumulative behavior and attitude in class rather than the circumstance at hand. Not that it is right-it just is.
Jacob continues in 2 Nephi 2:12 “. . . there would have been no purpose in the end of its creation.” Opposition helps us grow and is the great purpose of our life here. What will we do with the opposition in our life? Will we grow through conflict or remain in a state of denial?
Twenty-plus years after graduation, I still can’t do chin-ups and pull-ups, but Coach M. taught me more about life than I realized.
2 Nephi 2:11 says, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things…” and school is no exception. Every student will face some type of conflict in their school years; many with peers, some with teachers, maybe with an administrator. How parents help students manage conflict will not only determine the outcome of a current conflict but their future success in a career and family.
How can students and parents more effectively handle conflict at school? As a former student, teacher and administrator, I have experienced three different roles in conflict resolution. My recommendations are:
Students are their own best advocates.
Follow the chain of command.
Attitude makes all of the difference.
Students are their own best advocates.
When the conflict is between a student and a teacher, parents should first encourage the student to resolve it. Immediately! Don’t let an issue that is a molehill turn into a mountain. Conflict is best resolved between the immediately involved parties (i.e. student and teacher, student and student, student and administrator, etc.) Students must learn to advocate for themselves. To be able to respectfully converse with an adult is a life skill that will help children in situations ranging from school to church to community.
Role-play is an effective way to coach children and prepare them to respond to any of a number of situations. Parents can act as a coach and can role-play various situations with students to prepare to talk with a teacher. A phrase that has worked for me personally and one I have taught thousands of students is “I feel (state the emotion) about (state the situation) because (state your reasons)”. Do not use the word “you” at all. People can’t argue about your emotions because they are uniquely yours, and avoiding the use of “you” takes the blaming aspect away. This puts the emphasis on the issue and its resolution.
If students are nervous to talk to their teachers, parents should accompany the student, but allow the student to resolve the conflict. After the student has worked out the conflict with the teacher, parents should follow up with a phone call or email to the teacher to express thanks or clarify unclear details.
As a teacher, I admired and respected students who approached me with problems and concerns they had about lessons, assignments, tests and even me! I also observed that students who solved their own problems owned their problems. Often, students want their parents to solve the problem because they are avoiding the responsibility for inappropriate behavior. I have often wondered if a different resolution would have emerged if I had had the courage to talk to Coach M. during the course of the class, instead of having my mother do so afterword.
Follow the chain of command.
If a teacher is uncooperative or unwilling to work with a student, parents should intervene. Be prepared with several solutions-not just one. Rarely will an ultimatum result in the desired outcome, but being willing to compromise may result in a better outcome that you can imagine at the time.
Try to look at the issue from the teacher’s perspective. Remember that they are not teaching only your child. Teachers may have 15 to 40 students in a class and teachers must consider how all students may be affected. We are counseled in the church to consider the effects of change on others. The Guidebook for Parents and Leaders for Youth counsels, “When making any changes or exceptions for one person, leaders should consider the effect those changes may have on the other young women.” (p.19) Teachers consider those effects on their class or classes as well.
As an administrator, it was frustrating to receive a call from a parent about an issue with a teacher with whom they had not spoken. I then became nothing more than a messenger who asked the teacher to give the parent a call. If at all possible, speak directly to the person with whom you or your student has the conflict. If, after speaking to the teacher you are not satisfied, then call the school administrators, then the district officials. To resolve a conflict that goes all the way to the school superintendent, it will usually take a meeting with everyone from the student to the superintendent.
Administrators advocate for the best solution between students and teachers and seek for a fair solution. Do not expect equal solutions. Each student is different with different needs and no two situations are exactly the same. The real question is whether the solution is fair for your student and the teacher?
Attitude makes all of the difference.
I hated P.E. and that attitude influenced my ability to perform. I didn’t admit it then, but now I know I could have done it if I’d set my mind to it. There are exceptions to this philosophy but they are few in number. Teachers know that most students don’t usually love English, math, history or science; and they work to make learning engaging, interesting and fun. Students with positive attitudes and a willing disposition help in untold ways. When those “good attitude” students have a bad day, make a mistake or fail a test, a teacher is much more willing to do whatever it takes to help them resolve the problem.
In Alma 42:25 it reads, “What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit.” My personal belief is that very few teachers are simply insensitive or mean; their discipline style is centered on justice rather than mercy. They are going to be the teacher that teaches a student how life is really going to be or teach them a major lesson rather than be merciful. Much of the outcome may be based on the student’s cumulative behavior and attitude in class rather than the circumstance at hand. Not that it is right-it just is.
Jacob continues in 2 Nephi 2:12 “. . . there would have been no purpose in the end of its creation.” Opposition helps us grow and is the great purpose of our life here. What will we do with the opposition in our life? Will we grow through conflict or remain in a state of denial?
Twenty-plus years after graduation, I still can’t do chin-ups and pull-ups, but Coach M. taught me more about life than I realized.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Reading for Fun
When I was nine or ten years old, I read hour after hour, transporting myself most often to River Heights to solve the mysteries of the The Clue of the Broken Locket and The Secret of the Old Attic with Nancy Drew, George, Bess and Ned. I remember my mother telling my sister and me, “Put down those books and go outside and play!” So we went outside and built a fort out of quilts thrown over the clothesline and …. read.
Reading was and still is my favorite leisure time activity. I love to travel to exotic places, make new friends and learn something new and can do those things everyday when I read a good book. But most reading for children and young adults, especially in schools today, is not tied to “fun” but to lexile levels (see link below for definition) comprehension, and Accelerated Reader points.
A major component of the No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Act is reading. In order to be a “passing school”, schools must meet minimum state standards that increase yearly toward a goal of 100% of students demonstrating proficiency in reading and language arts by the year 2014. As a result, schools are spending more time and money on reading intervention programs to help struggling readers become better readers. But do they enjoying reading and are they becoming literate? What can a parent do to help?
A 2004 study by the National Endowment for the Arts found that less than half of the adult American population reads literature. (The NEA survey asked respondents if they had read any novels, short stories, plays, or poetry. A positive response to any of those categories is counted as reading literature, including popular genres such as mysteries, as well as contemporary and classic literary fiction. No distinctions were drawn on the quality of literary works. “Reading at Risk”, NEA, pg. 2) Not only has reading declined in all groups, but the rate of decline has accelerated, especially among the young. The first step in students enjoying reading and becoming literate is at home. Evaluate your own literary efforts by answering the following questions.
Do my children read for fun every day?
Do I have three or more different types of reading materials in my home (newspapers, magazines, books, encyclopedias)?
Do I discuss with my child their studies and books that they are reading?
Do my children participate in less than 3 hours of television/video games/Internet activities per day?
Do my children do at least an hour of homework daily?
Do my children see me read daily?
Do I read for fun every day?
These questions are based on findings about reading habits from the 1999 National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) long-term reading assessment of 9, 13, and 17 year olds. In every case, students who: 1) read for fun every day, 2) have access to three or more types of reading materials at home, 3) discuss literature and homework with parents, 4) participate in less than 3 hours of electronic media, 5) do at least an hour of homework, and 6) see a parent read (and read for fun daily) have higher reading scores than students who don’t. A parent’s example cannot be replaced by any number of software programs, reading specialists or any amount of money.
Life seems faster and more complicated than ever before. How can parents find time to read and help your children to read, especially for fun?
1. Unplug! Turn off the electronic media. Set time aside when home is an Internet, phone, video game, and television free zone.
2. Read the scriptures. Reading scriptures with the family requires discussion for comprehension. My experience has been that students who read the scriptures together with their families have more extensive vocabularies, higher-level thinking skills and better reading comprehension than students who do not.
3. Learn together. Read school-required novels, plays, poetry and other literature with your student.
4. Subscribe to your local newspaper and a magazine. Not only will you get the news but you get grocery coupons too.
Grab your newspaper, Harry Potter, Romeo and Juliet or the scriptures. Last one to the clothesline is a rotten egg!
References:
http://www.scholastic.com/schoolage/experts/learning/9_12_lexilelevels.htm
http://www.nea.gov/pub/ReadingAtRisk.pdf
http://www.nifl.gov/nifl/facts/NAEP.html
Booklists:
The following websites offer numerous young adult and children’s book titles in a plethora of genres.
www.ala.org/yalsa/booklists
http://nancykeane.com/rl/
Monday, September 10, 2007
Get Your New Gear for School
Gum. Chewing gum. It was a distraction and cause for stern looks and tight voices from teachers until the gum was disposed of in a trash can. Ah, the good old days. What a teacher and administrator wouldn’t give to return to the days of gum being the major educational distraction. In August, several businesses ran advertising campaigns with slogans like, “Get your new gear for school” or “Be the envy of your school” and these advertisements were not for notebooks and pencils but cell phones and backpacks with speakers. Distractions? Those are major educational distractions!
In my experience as an administrator, cell phones accounted for more discipline visits than all other discipline categories combined. In one year alone, the recorded number of students needing to see a school administrator for disrupting class with a cell phone quadrupled. Cell phone problems at school range from random ringing during class to text message bullying and threats, pictures of students (unwanted and inappropriate), and pictures of test items.
As parents, how can we keep our children focused on learning and exercising good judgment and etiquette when they use cell phones or other electronic devices? The following questions provide a guide.
Does my child need a cell phone? Why?
Do I want them have one? Why do they want one?
Honestly, children do not “need” a cell phone at school. For years, schools and families existed by land lines and messages left at the office. Perhaps it’s inconvenient but it’s much less disruptive to the learning environment. The United States has one of the shortest school years in the world and students and teachers need every minute of it. Cell phones are an inconsiderate and annoying interruption.
Distinguishing “needs” from “wants” is not an easy exercise but it is a good one to do periodically. We need to check in with ourselves and our families to ensure that our personal and family activities match our short-term and long-term goals. I wonder how the family budget accommodates all of the technology that is often determined a “need”. Can our family/our child afford a cell phone monetarily and educationally?
Have we discussed who, where, when, what, why and how cell phones are to be used by our family?
In my experience as an administrator, cell phones accounted for more discipline visits than all other discipline categories combined. In one year alone, the recorded number of students needing to see a school administrator for disrupting class with a cell phone quadrupled. Cell phone problems at school range from random ringing during class to text message bullying and threats, pictures of students (unwanted and inappropriate), and pictures of test items.
As parents, how can we keep our children focused on learning and exercising good judgment and etiquette when they use cell phones or other electronic devices? The following questions provide a guide.
Does my child need a cell phone? Why?
Do I want them have one? Why do they want one?
Honestly, children do not “need” a cell phone at school. For years, schools and families existed by land lines and messages left at the office. Perhaps it’s inconvenient but it’s much less disruptive to the learning environment. The United States has one of the shortest school years in the world and students and teachers need every minute of it. Cell phones are an inconsiderate and annoying interruption.
Distinguishing “needs” from “wants” is not an easy exercise but it is a good one to do periodically. We need to check in with ourselves and our families to ensure that our personal and family activities match our short-term and long-term goals. I wonder how the family budget accommodates all of the technology that is often determined a “need”. Can our family/our child afford a cell phone monetarily and educationally?
Have we discussed who, where, when, what, why and how cell phones are to be used by our family?
1. Who uses it? Who pays for it?
2. Where do you use it? –Not in class, not in a review session, not when people are talking to you.
3. When do you use it? Anytime or restricted? While driving? Are there limits on minutes of talk and text?
4. What do you use it for? Calls to parents, text messaging friends?
5. Why? So parents can reach children and vice versa? Friends?
6. How? How do we use it appropriately? What is proper cell phone etiquette?
Family home evening and family councils are good times to discuss these questions. A piece of wise advice from a friend is to:
If the rules are set before the cell phone is purchased, a thoughtful, not emotional, discussion can occur and wise decisions made as a family team. When decisions are made together, children will feel an ownership and responsibility with parents. If the rules are not discussed before the purchase, later discussions typically focus on what the child cannot do-which they did-and degenerate into a battle of control. (This is also a great method to use before the dating years begin. A family discussion of dating and expectations when the oldest child is 12 years old will be quite different than when that child is 15 and ¾ years old!)
If your child has a cell phone, what role does it play in the following?
Is he/she learning responsibility or irresponsibility?
Is your relationship improving or disintegrating?
Is he/she exercising self control in regards to minutes used and the number of text messages?
Cell phones can cause a lot of stress in family relationships. Usually that is precipitated by a child’s irresponsible behavior regarding the use of minutes and number of text messages. It is our obligation to teach our children about budgeting time and money and cell phones involve both. Many families choose to add a “family” phone for use by any family member when needed. Other families allow children to pay for their phone and usage on a family plan and still others let children purchase their own phones and plans. Each decision is personal and has its pros and cons but each will work if the plan is understood by all family members.
Self control and mastery is a lifelong quest that can begin with a cell phone. Fifteen hundred minutes of time equals 25 hours of talk time and that is almost an hour per day per month. Most parents set limits on TV watching, and video game playing. Although many plans may allow unlimited minutes and text messages, is that prudent or wise? In our prosperity and abundance, seemingly limitless amounts have become the norm such as, purchasing on credit, super-sizing the combo meal and surfing the Internet, but all of these come with a price and so will unlimited cell phone use. Perhaps the greatest price will be less family solidarity and a greater influence from friends. Buyer Beware-no child I know needs any more influence from friends.
From working with teenagers I have learned that when I need to contact them, a text message will always get a reply. That was not usually the case when I called them at home or emailed them. I love the ease and convenience of cell phones. They are an asset, not a distraction, when used intelligently and wisely. Let’s help our children and students harness them to their advantage both socially and educationally.
Does any one have a piece of gum?
2. Where do you use it? –Not in class, not in a review session, not when people are talking to you.
3. When do you use it? Anytime or restricted? While driving? Are there limits on minutes of talk and text?
4. What do you use it for? Calls to parents, text messaging friends?
5. Why? So parents can reach children and vice versa? Friends?
6. How? How do we use it appropriately? What is proper cell phone etiquette?
Family home evening and family councils are good times to discuss these questions. A piece of wise advice from a friend is to:
Always set the rules in advance of the anticipated event
If the rules are set before the cell phone is purchased, a thoughtful, not emotional, discussion can occur and wise decisions made as a family team. When decisions are made together, children will feel an ownership and responsibility with parents. If the rules are not discussed before the purchase, later discussions typically focus on what the child cannot do-which they did-and degenerate into a battle of control. (This is also a great method to use before the dating years begin. A family discussion of dating and expectations when the oldest child is 12 years old will be quite different than when that child is 15 and ¾ years old!)
If your child has a cell phone, what role does it play in the following?
Is he/she learning responsibility or irresponsibility?
Is your relationship improving or disintegrating?
Is he/she exercising self control in regards to minutes used and the number of text messages?
Cell phones can cause a lot of stress in family relationships. Usually that is precipitated by a child’s irresponsible behavior regarding the use of minutes and number of text messages. It is our obligation to teach our children about budgeting time and money and cell phones involve both. Many families choose to add a “family” phone for use by any family member when needed. Other families allow children to pay for their phone and usage on a family plan and still others let children purchase their own phones and plans. Each decision is personal and has its pros and cons but each will work if the plan is understood by all family members.
Self control and mastery is a lifelong quest that can begin with a cell phone. Fifteen hundred minutes of time equals 25 hours of talk time and that is almost an hour per day per month. Most parents set limits on TV watching, and video game playing. Although many plans may allow unlimited minutes and text messages, is that prudent or wise? In our prosperity and abundance, seemingly limitless amounts have become the norm such as, purchasing on credit, super-sizing the combo meal and surfing the Internet, but all of these come with a price and so will unlimited cell phone use. Perhaps the greatest price will be less family solidarity and a greater influence from friends. Buyer Beware-no child I know needs any more influence from friends.
From working with teenagers I have learned that when I need to contact them, a text message will always get a reply. That was not usually the case when I called them at home or emailed them. I love the ease and convenience of cell phones. They are an asset, not a distraction, when used intelligently and wisely. Let’s help our children and students harness them to their advantage both socially and educationally.
Does any one have a piece of gum?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Welcome Back
Welcome Back! the quintessential school year greeting. Although the beginning of the school year is exciting, I never slept well the night before school started as I experienced a nightmare each year. In my dream, I entered through the school doors and was greeted by the school principal who would always say, “Welcome back to school. By the way, Ms. Kuck, we’ve changed your teaching assignment for the year. You’ll be teaching calculus.” Needless to say, calculus was not my college major nor minor and that terrified feeling caused much restless sleep. But that calculus nightmare and first day jitters were always replaced by excitement as the first class of students walked through the door and I met them. My greatest desire and work was to help each of those students succeed. How can we, as parents, help our students be successful this school year?
1. Think and talk positively about school and school personnel.
Several years ago I read an article about the way in which adults talk to students about school and the author’s assertion was that most of what adults say is negative rather than positive. Listen to yourself for one day as you talk to your students about school. How much of it is positive? What do you say about assignments, teachers, principals and other students?
Each of use wants our children to have the best teacher and school experience and talk about school is a frequent neighborhood conversation topic. A wise woman with five children in school, ranging from a high school senior to a first-grader said, “I’ve learned that just because a teacher was ‘great’ for one student doesn’t mean that that experience will be duplicated for another child.” Each child is special and needs something and perhaps the first-year teacher, or the “strict” teacher, or the “I-haven’t-heard-anything-good-about him” teacher will be able to provide exactly what your student needs.
Our attitude affects our children and that of others and the best help a school can receive is a positive attitude from its students, parents and community.
2. Be prepared.
This idea comes from a friend in Tooele, Utah. She creates a “Homework Box.” This box contains any type of material that may be needed during the school year to complete homework from a daily math assignment to a social studies project. She purchases school supplies when they are on sale and places them in the box. Only “students” can use the Homework Box. (Mom and dad are not allowed to use any of the material for work or church projects-not even if they promise to replace it!) She purchases pencils, pens, erasers, poster board (buy twice as much as you think you’ll need and it will be the right amount!), paint, construction paper, cardstock, markers, crayons, etc. This does two things, (1) you and your students are prepared for homework, especially in a crisis like “Mom, I have a social studies report and poster due tomorrow!” and (2) creates an excitement for homework time. This friend occasionally places some new supplies or treats in the box, so the students never know what they might find in the box.
3. Set up morning and evening routines.
Students need to come to school ready to learn and that includes breakfast and a happy attitude. Happy students picked their clothes out the night before, fixed their lunch, and organized their backpacks with homework and permission slips. Morning is NOT the time to try on three different outfits and find the field trip permission form. For more help on developing routines, see FlyLady at http://www.flylady.net/.
4. Find opportunities to expand your children’s learning and your own.
When teaching French, I encouraged my students to practice speaking French with their parents. Students would say, “But my parents don’t know French!” and my reply was always, “Teach them-two educations for the price of one!” School studies become more relevant and meaningful to students if they see an application outside of school. How can you enrich your student’s school experience?
· Become the student and let them teach you.
· Plan a weekend vacation around a student’s course of study. (i.e. visit the county on which your fourth grader must report)
· Write poems for family home evening.
· Make cookies together using fractions.
5. Call upon the powers of heaven.
Pens, pencils and notebooks are necessary school supplies but spiritual school supplies are vital and often overlooked, including personal and family prayer. In Alma 34:24-25, Amulek tells us to “Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them. Cry over the flocks of your fields that they may increase.” As parents and children, “Cry unto him over the assignments of your classes, that ye may master difficult concepts. Cry over the tests of your knowledge that your knowledge may be made manifest.”
Prayer will help when nothing else will. Each child should begin the year with blessing from their father, home teacher or another priesthood holder. Don’t forget mom too. She may need the blessing more than anyone to help her survive homework, projects, conflict resolution, test cramming and more. President Kimball taught: “No mother would carelessly send her little children forth to school on a wintry morning without warm clothes to protect against the snow and rain and cold. But there are numerous fathers and mothers who send their children to school without the protective covering available to them through prayer—a protection against exposure to unknown hazards, evil people, and base temptations.” Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pg. 122-123.
Welcome Back! and have a great year!
1. Think and talk positively about school and school personnel.
Several years ago I read an article about the way in which adults talk to students about school and the author’s assertion was that most of what adults say is negative rather than positive. Listen to yourself for one day as you talk to your students about school. How much of it is positive? What do you say about assignments, teachers, principals and other students?
Each of use wants our children to have the best teacher and school experience and talk about school is a frequent neighborhood conversation topic. A wise woman with five children in school, ranging from a high school senior to a first-grader said, “I’ve learned that just because a teacher was ‘great’ for one student doesn’t mean that that experience will be duplicated for another child.” Each child is special and needs something and perhaps the first-year teacher, or the “strict” teacher, or the “I-haven’t-heard-anything-good-about him” teacher will be able to provide exactly what your student needs.
Our attitude affects our children and that of others and the best help a school can receive is a positive attitude from its students, parents and community.
2. Be prepared.
This idea comes from a friend in Tooele, Utah. She creates a “Homework Box.” This box contains any type of material that may be needed during the school year to complete homework from a daily math assignment to a social studies project. She purchases school supplies when they are on sale and places them in the box. Only “students” can use the Homework Box. (Mom and dad are not allowed to use any of the material for work or church projects-not even if they promise to replace it!) She purchases pencils, pens, erasers, poster board (buy twice as much as you think you’ll need and it will be the right amount!), paint, construction paper, cardstock, markers, crayons, etc. This does two things, (1) you and your students are prepared for homework, especially in a crisis like “Mom, I have a social studies report and poster due tomorrow!” and (2) creates an excitement for homework time. This friend occasionally places some new supplies or treats in the box, so the students never know what they might find in the box.
3. Set up morning and evening routines.
Students need to come to school ready to learn and that includes breakfast and a happy attitude. Happy students picked their clothes out the night before, fixed their lunch, and organized their backpacks with homework and permission slips. Morning is NOT the time to try on three different outfits and find the field trip permission form. For more help on developing routines, see FlyLady at http://www.flylady.net/.
4. Find opportunities to expand your children’s learning and your own.
When teaching French, I encouraged my students to practice speaking French with their parents. Students would say, “But my parents don’t know French!” and my reply was always, “Teach them-two educations for the price of one!” School studies become more relevant and meaningful to students if they see an application outside of school. How can you enrich your student’s school experience?
· Become the student and let them teach you.
· Plan a weekend vacation around a student’s course of study. (i.e. visit the county on which your fourth grader must report)
· Write poems for family home evening.
· Make cookies together using fractions.
5. Call upon the powers of heaven.
Pens, pencils and notebooks are necessary school supplies but spiritual school supplies are vital and often overlooked, including personal and family prayer. In Alma 34:24-25, Amulek tells us to “Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them. Cry over the flocks of your fields that they may increase.” As parents and children, “Cry unto him over the assignments of your classes, that ye may master difficult concepts. Cry over the tests of your knowledge that your knowledge may be made manifest.”
Prayer will help when nothing else will. Each child should begin the year with blessing from their father, home teacher or another priesthood holder. Don’t forget mom too. She may need the blessing more than anyone to help her survive homework, projects, conflict resolution, test cramming and more. President Kimball taught: “No mother would carelessly send her little children forth to school on a wintry morning without warm clothes to protect against the snow and rain and cold. But there are numerous fathers and mothers who send their children to school without the protective covering available to them through prayer—a protection against exposure to unknown hazards, evil people, and base temptations.” Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pg. 122-123.
Welcome Back! and have a great year!
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