Use the Dishes

I hosted the Thanksgiving feast this year. As my sisters and I discussed the details, they slyly asked if I would consider using paper plates. Paper plates? for Thanksgiving dinner? I think NOT!

I love dishes. I inherited this love from my grandmas. Mommie Jane had lots of beautiful dishes and one of my favorite memories is of tea parties. She would make pigs-in-blankets and punch and let my friends and I have tea parties with her beautiful dishes. I loved to drink my punch out of the green glasses with lots of bubbles. My mom was always concerned that we would break them but I never remember Grandma worrying about it. All I remember is her love as she would help us retrieve the dishes, set the table, pour the punch and eat our treats.

Grandma Alice loved dishes too. She had certain dishes for certain things.

This glass was for orange juice.

This bowl was for shrimp cocktails.

My mom had dishes too. But now they're mine.

These are the dessert cups that I remember holding rice pudding, tapioca pudding and ice cream. We like hot fudge sundaes in them.

And I have more dishes.

These plates wouldn't be a big deal for most of you, but I speak French, taught French and love all things French. Using these plates bring me joy.

Using all of my dishes brings me joy. Yes, handwashing the dishes can be a burden, but it can also be a great bonding time between moms and daughters, grandmas and sisters. Don't let the inherited dishes or the fancy dishes sit in the china cupboard. Use them to celebrate one another, celebrate Christmas and celebrate fond memories.

Let's Give Thanks!

On Halloween evening before the Trick-or-treating began, I ran to the grocery store for dry ice to make the spooky root beer and as I headed down the holiday specialty aisle, Halloween items were in discount carts and Christmas candy, glassware, decorations and baking supplies were on display. Yikes! The ghouls and goblins were still getting dressed and the strains of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" had begun.

What has happened to that most noble of holidays--Thanksgiving!

Although I love Christmas--my favorite holiday--I need Thanksgiving. My family needs it. I enjoy having a specific time to really reflect upon the bounty in my life. Here are some of my favorite ways to be thankful.

Remember the First Thanksgiving.
My daughter's fourteenth great-grandmother is Mary Allerton Cushman, a Mayflower Pilgrim. We take this opportunity to talk about her, the Pilgrims, and the Mayflower. One year, she even wore a Pilgrim style hat. Although our family has "Mayflower Blood", it is still a great time to teach and learn about family heritage.

(By the way, I do not have "Mayflower Blood". Chloe gets that heritage from her dad's side of the family and they are fiercely proud of that fact. So much so that in a trip to the East Coast several years ago, I couldn't be in any of the pictures at Plymouth, the Mayflower replica, etc. because I wasn't "blood"! The tables will turn however when I finally do my family history and discover that I'm really a Norwegian princess and take them to Norway.)

Count Your Blessings.
My visiting teaching lesson/tradition for the month of November involves each of us naming our blessings by going through the alphabet. We go round and round from A-Z. We have so many things to be grateful for...at least 26.

At the Thanksgiving feast, we usually have each person say one thing for which they are grateful, but occasionally we put a new twist on it. One year, I purchased a cheap white tablecloth and with a marker, everyone wrote their blessing on it . An activity and a decoration at the same time.

This year's centerpiece will be a Mayflower replica filled with strips of yellow, brown and orange construction paper with blessings written on them. Dad will read them before the bounteous feast.

Each day of the month of November, write a blessing on a green, white, or red strip of construction paper and add each one to a paper chain. Then use it as an Advent calendar to countdown to Christmas. It's an effective reminder that we have all we really need.

Start A New Tradition.
Several years ago, we started "Pie Night". The Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving, family and friends come to our home and have pie. Why did we start this? Originally, it started as a way to have and enjoy my stepdaughters on this holiday. As kids get older and families get bigger, there can be a lot of turkey to eat at a lot places and this was a way to spend some quality time without needing to eat more turkey or rush off to the next relative. Secondy, there is simply never enough room to really enjoy the pie after the Thanksgiving meal. It is one of my favorite activities of the year and in the future, I hope it will be a great bonding time for me and my daughter as we roll pie dough out together.

This year, I want to have a Thanksgiving Fast. I feel so blessed and really want to show my appreciation to my Father in Heaven. "Behold, now it came to pass that the people of (state your name) were exceedingly rejoiced, because the Lord had again delivered them out of the hands of their enemies; therefore they gave thanks unto the Lord their God; yea, and they did fast much and pray much, and they did worship God with exceedingly great joy." (Alma 45:1) I can not list how many times the Lord delivered me out of the hands of my enemies (and myself) during the past year. I want to give thanks--by fasting, praying and worshipping Him with great joy.

Now that I have the Halloween decorations put away, I can focus on the next holiday--Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Balancing Work and Family

Four years ago, I was a guest speaker at a conference for school secretaries and my assigned topic was "Balancing Career and Home". I had been invited to speak several months before the conference.

As I stood before the microphone, the irony of the situation hit me full force. I had resigned at my high school as an assistant principal just a month earlier. I had had my own vision and knew that it was time for me to stay home full-time. That was a complete turn around from two years earlier when I had fasted and prayed to confirm a decision to quit and received the answer to stay at work.

So my first words were, "I am supposed to tell you how to balance your career and home life and I just quit my job. I guess I don't know how!" Laughter erupted.

Well, a perfect job appeared this fall and I have returned to work, but balancing work and family is no laughing matter. Whether you are a single mother or father, a SAHM who returned to the workforce recently due to economic reasons or have always worked, accomplishing the important work at home and at work is never-ending.

What are some ways we can make the balancing act easier?

Start the day with a ten minute meeting with yourself. Say your personal prayers, read a scripture or two or a chapter. Those personal religious behaviors set the tone for your day. Then review your schedule and establish two or three priorities for the day.

Keep work at work and home at home. In the past, I have not been good at keeping work at work. I would drag home boxes of papers to correct and lessons to plan. If I didn't do the work, I felt guilty. If I did the work, I missed out on family time.

This time around, I try to make the most of every day at work with work and save family responsibilities for home. As I drive to work, I mentally picture putting family concerns in a file and putting it away and getting out my work file. On the drive home, I put away the work concerns in the file and open the family file. It's not perfect but it is working!

Consciously decide what you are going to let go. A good friend once told me that with the birth of each of her children, she consciously had to decide what "thing" she was going to let go, such as elaborate girly hair-dos for school, vacuuming everyday, etc. What work and home "things" can you let go? For me, it is the housecleaning. I want a clean, spotless house, but it's not happening. However, dinner is--dinner together most nights is more important to me than freshly dusted and vacuumed rooms.

Enlist help. Every family member needs to contribute. In a family council, have each family member make a list of how he or she can help the family and then select one. My sister's children are responsible to do their own laundry. A young woman in my ward is responsible to cook one meal for the family each week. Our children are more capable than they want us to know.

Prepare for tomorrow by working today. Take 10 minutes at the end of your work day and at home to organize for tomorrow. Before leaving the office, spend a few minutes cleaning off your desk (or at least one pile!) and leave the next day's list or work ready to greet you. At home, make the lunches, set out the clothes and put the homework in the backpacks. This small step will bring peace to you.

"Balancing Career and Home"--I'm still not ready to give a speech. It is a quest for a lifetime.

The Speech

By the time this blog posts, the "Speech" will have been given and you will have formed your opinion. Here's mine before President Obama addresses the school children of America.

His address is causing quite a stir among parents in my local school district and others across the nation and I'm asking myself "why"?

President Obama wants to address my child. And many parents are concerned about what he will say. Parents don't want him to address them at school where they are a "captive" audience.

Lots of people want to address my child and they do--McDonald's, Fisher Price and General Mills! Their messages are effective whether they are on the television, the advertisement on a website or sponsors of the soccer tournament. Our household purchases at least one McDonald's Happy Meal a week.

The media release on the White House website states that he will talk to them about taking personal responsibility for their learning and education, including setting goals and working hard. I hope he does. Students need to hear that message from many adults besides their parents and teachers. Hallelujah! Amen!

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, "we believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring and sustaining the law". Whether or not you agree with President Obama's political views, he is the President of the United States.

What does being subject mean? What is honoring and sustaining the law? There are so many strident voices for and against this and that. Have we forgotten how to be civil? to listen? Should we not listen first and then form an opinion?

It is a parent's responsibility to teach children to "walk uprightly before the Lord". If you are worried he is going to push ideas that are contrary to yours, use it as a teaching opportunity. We live in the world but are to not be "of" the world. I sincerely believe that I can have a great listening and teaching moment with my kids after they have listened to the President.

In our district, parents will be able to "opt" out and their children can do an alternate activity while the President speaks. But unfortunately, our children are going to experience things in life that they cannot "opt" out of. They may not be able to "opt" out of the required philosophy college course or "opt" out of working with a different race, homosexual, atheist, or non-member at the workplace.

They will be in difficult situations that challenge their values and beliefs and it is my responsibility as a parent to teach my children how to think, how to judge righteously, how to find the truth and then defend it. Loud voices and polarized opinions do not carry forth the work of a country or our Heavenly Father.

"And now come, saith the Lord, by the Spirit, unto the elders of his church, and let us reason together, that ye may understand." We can and must reason with our children, teach them to think for themselves and find the true source of peace and happiness which will not fail when the "mighty winds" and "mighty storm shall beat upon you". (Helaman 5:12)

Mom, I'm Bored!--Update.

Several weeks ago I wrote about the endless summer and gave many ideas for activities that moms, dads and kids could do to avoid summer boredom. Now I'm writing this and I am wondering where the summer went!

I thought it would be fun to give you an update of how our family survived--even enjoyed--the summer.

The Lemonade Stand
My daughter begged me all summer to do a lemonade stand and finally on Saturday we did! I want to teach her how to serve others, so instead of selling lemonade in order for my daughter to earn a buck or two, our goal was to raise $20.00 to purchase a flock of chicks for an impoverished family through Heifer International.

We made about 3 gallons of fresh-squeezed lemonade, both berry and plain, and we asked for donations instead of setting prices. My daughter and a friend made a sign for advertising and we set up shop at the end of our driveway.

Thanks to the generous donations of friends, neighbors and passerbys, we actually made $111.50--much more than had we just sold lemonade for our own profit I'm certain. I am very pleased but as I glanced around a kitchen full of squeezed lemons, sticky syrup pans and melting ice I had to remind myself that "I am raising a daughter, not making lemonade". Especially as the two little helpers scampered out to play on the swingset instead of washing dishes!

Actually, I learned that many lessons are to be learned through selling lemonade. First, the kids learned that lemonade comes from lemons not from a Country Time canister. Secondly, the kids learned how to greet someone politely, explain why they were selling lemonade and asking for a donation, express gratitude for the purchase and keep money safe. Thirdly, the kids reviewed the coin and paper denominations and practiced counting (in English and in Spanish!) Lastly, together the girls decided to purchase a"Flock of Hope" which includes a flock of chicks, ducklings and goslings for two families. We all learned so much that I am thinking we need to do it again--next summer!

Reading Everyday
I decided to start reading short novels with my daughter this summer, starting with Charlotte's Web. However, Aunt Heidi introduced us to a new one, Kenny and the Dragon. What a treat! It is a great read. It has been refreshing to read something beyond Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella.

Unfortunately, I have not been diligent in having my daughter read to me. I'm going to pay for that when school starts, but it is never too late! During the next two weeks, we will start practicing for school--she reads to me, I read to her, practice sight words and go to bed early-yeah!!

Writing Everyday
This has been more spontaneous than planned but there are several notes all around the house. One indicates "Mom not allowed"--in my own room. You see, my daughter loves to watch television in my room and she knows that I won't let her watch without my supervision or a time limit. So of course, Mom is not allowed!

There are also a couple of notes expressing sadness at the consequences Mom gave. Well...I'll take writing in any way, shape or form.

We also did some scrapbooking where she put the pictures on and wrote the text. It will be such a treasure when she is older!

The Fun
We also played at parks, swam at a local water park, went to an amusement park, hiked beautiful trails, made ice cream and visited grandpa and grandma.

Any summer regrets? Just one. We never took the field trip to the Water Conservancy District to find out where poop goes. I keep explaining the process but in some cases, I guess seeing is believing. I still have two weeks. Who wants to go with us?

You Are the Mother Your Kids Need

The inspiration for this post came to me as I began the required experience #2 of the Divine Nature value in the Young Women Personal Progress Program. It states:

"Increase your understanding of and appreciation for womanhood. Read Proverbs 31:10-31 and two talks on womanhood from a conference issue of the Church magazines. Review what "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" says about being a wife and a mother. Then ask your mother or another mother you admire what she thinks are important attributes for being a mother. List the attributes in your journal. Then choose one of those attributes and strive to develop it. After two weeks report your success to a parent or Young Women leader."

I chose to read Elder M. Russell Ballard's talk "Daughters of God" (Ensign, May 2008, p. 108-110) and the following statement jumped off the page at me:

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family."

What a relief!-I don't have to clean like Amanda, teach like Leslie, be spiritual like Tammy, or do their hair like Melanie. I certainly want to learn from their fabulous examples but I am not supposed to be like them-I am supposed to be ME!

Whoa-who is that?

Sometimes I am so busy comparing myself to the amazing moms in my neighborhood and ward that I forget to ask: What kind of mother does Heavenly Father need me to be for my kids? Each family situation is "unique", meaning it is "one-of-a-kind; having no equal; not typical". (Random House Webster's Dictionary, p. 719)

What kind of mother does Heavenly Father need you to be for your kids?

Well...Let's find out. Grab your journal, a notebook or last week's grocery list and answer the following questions.

1. What are your challenges?

2. What are your skills?

3. Who are your children?

Let's review the examples of some mothers who faced challenges but used their talents, abilities and skills to meet the needs of their children.

Who Am I?

Case Study #1

I lived in Old Testament times. My challenge was to protect my baby--a male--from being killed by the Egyptians. I hid him for three months and when I could hide him no more, I placed him a basket and placed him in the river. I sent my daughter to follow him to see what would happen to him. He was found by the Pharaoh's daughter and raised as her own.

Case Study #2

My story takes place in the New Testament. My challenge was to rear the Son of God.

Case Study #3

Our story takes place in the Book of Mormon. Our challenge was to leave behind the wicked traditions of our fathers and teach our children the ways of the Lord. At the time of our conversion, we buried our weapons and covenanted to never fight again. As time passed and wars and death increased, our children took up weapons of war in our stead and fought valiantly.

Jochebed-mother of Moses. How do you determine to send your infant son down a river in a basket? Jochebed must have prayed, counseled with her husband, listened intently for revelation and had the faith necessary to follow the direction given.

Mary-mother of Christ. How does one rear the Divine Son? When I become overwhelmed with the demands of motherhood, I think of Mary. Was she ever overwhelmed?

I think of the experience when Christ was 12 and they went to the Passover in Jerusalem. They left Jerusalem and had traveled "a day's journey" before they knew he was missing. They turned around went back to Jerusalem, probably a little faster than "a day's journey" but not much when you are on foot or on a donkey. Upon arriving in Jerusalem, they searched for three days before finding him in the temple. Five days of traveling, searching, worrying, praying and sorrowing. Losing Jesus? Overwhelmed? Yes. Pressed forward? Yes.

The mothers of the 2000 Stripling Warriors. How does one raise young men to be righteous, faithful, valiant, courageous when that is not your heritage? "Our mothers knew it" and everything they said, lived and taught confirmed it.

You. Mother of __________. You are unique, one-of-a-kind, unequaled and not typical and so will be the answers and solutions to the challenges you face as you mother the rising generation.

Summer Field Trips

With an economy in recession and gas prices on the rise, many families are taking a “stay-cation” instead of a “vacation”. Even if you are going to go on a “real” vacation, (i.e. driving hours in a car with children asking “Are we there yet?”), there are learning opportunities everywhere this summer and why leave the field trips just for the school year?

We are going on a field trip each week of summer and I have determined these trips the following ways:

What interests your child and where could you go to answer those curious questions they ask? We have a field trip scheduled at the Water Conservation District because my daughter wanted to know where all the water went as the tub drained. We are also going to a mining operation because the kids wanted to know why a big hole was in the earth.

What things do you like to do? I love to hike and I have found several easy hikes that are short and good for children, as well as some challenging ones to hike with my older kids. I want do something I enjoy and see if they might enjoy it as well. If you want to increase the potential for enjoyment, be sure to take plenty of breaks, water and treats, especially if you are hiking with teenagers--emphasis on the treats! Playing games as you hike also makes it more fun. Ask the kids to find 5 things that start with the letter “s”, and hope you don’t see a ssssssssssnake! “Geo-caching” is another way to have fun hiking and learning how to operate a GPS.

What will strengthen their testimonies? Visit local church history sites. We live by many and rarely visit them. Take a day or two or three and visit some.

Girl's camp, Boy Scout camps, youth conferences and Especially for Youth events will strengthen testimonies. Encourage your teens to attend and then do all you can to help them get there. Many good activities compete for our time and energy but sometimes we, as parents, will need to stand and advocate not only for our children, but also our beliefs. These events are more significant than work, dance, sports or other activities that may conflict. Teens will gain strength as they watch you stand up for them and their spiritual activities.

Visit sites that are meaningful to you and your family. Go on a tour of important places in your life. I love to take my family to the university I attended and show them my dorm, go to a basketball game and get ice cream. An added bonus is the opportunity to show them that at one time I was young and fun.

Visit the cemetery where your ancestors are buried and tell their stories while gathered around the headstone. My father-in-law loved Snickers candy bars, so we buy those and eat them together at the gravesite while reminiscing. Take crayons and paper and have the kids do rubbings of the headstones.

When was the last time you visited a local museum and learned (remembered) the history of the your area? Do you know who the founding fathers are of your city? Are there any mysteries? What about uncommon trivia? What about a children’s museum with activities centered just on them?

How many parks are in your city? Make a plan to visit a different one each week. Create a grading rubric and have the kids rate each park. At the end of the summer, take a thank you card and your data to the city offices. They would appreciate a note of gratitude and the feedback.

Kids of all ages love field trips. You know their interests, abilities and desires. Use that knowledge to plan an outing. Active learning is fun and better than another t.v. show, video game or DVD. There is so much to see and learn about in the world.

Take a field trip!

You're Hired!

You're hired! Donald Trump says that to his apprentice but your teens may not be hearing those words or seeing any signs that say "Help Wanted" this year. In the current economy, teens in my area are seeing fewer and fewer opportunities for summer jobs. Some of those jobs usually taken by teens are hiring more adults (who have lost their jobs) and some businesses are simply not filling positions.

How can your teen learn a few life lessons and make some money without having a summer job? That will require some creativity. Here are some of my ideas. Hopefully they can serve as a springboard to your own creative solutions.

The Punch Pass-I'm a huge advocate of teen entrepreneurship and like to support those youth who start their own businesses. This summer in order to save a few bucks, most of us have resorted to mowing our own lawns, washing our own windows and staying home more often. However, a teen interested in starting their own lawn mowing, window washing or babysitting business could hand out punch passes, not only to advertise their business, but also to give an additional incentive. Would you be more interested in having the neighbor boy mow your lawn if every 5th mow was free?

The Chore File-Let's face it. If they don't get a job, you will be paying for everything from their entertainment to their school extracurricular camps, so hire them yourself. A good friend earned extra money from her parents by selecting an extra chore from a file box. Each card listed the chore and the money to be earned. Payment was dependent upon the satisfactory completion of the chore--inspected, of course, by mom and dad.

Another idea is to give them most of the responsibility for a family project and pay them to do it. Some suggestions are the laundry, including the washing, drying, and ironing; cooking meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner; the planting, weeding, watering and harvesting of the garden; deep cleaning such as washing walls, shampooing carpets, and cleaning light fixtures.

If you work and they watch the younger children, pay them to do so. Expecting a teen to babysit younger siblings and not pay them for it is selfish and fosters ill feelings in the teen. Occasional babysitting is a part of being a family member, but everyday tending is a different matter. That responsibility and work deserves a paycheck.

Enlist Support from Grandparents-Your parents may have the means to pay grandchildren for good help. I believe that grandkids should help their grandparents often without expecting any money, but I always appreciated the opportunity to help my grandparents with a project and earn some extra money.

Volunteer-This option doesn't include any money for your teen at the present time, but may earn huge dividends in other ways. Most college scholarships are awarded to students who excel in one of three ways: academics, leadership or service.

Some students have opportunities to travel to faraway places and build schools or wells and that is impressive. But equally as impressive are those teens who give sustained, meaningful service in their communities. What do I mean by sustained? Service that goes beyond the one-night young men or young women service project. Service that continues for weeks, months and even years that may have begun as a simple one night project but became more than that.

What does your teen enjoy doing? What are they good at? What careers are they considering? Answering those questions can be a starting point for finding service opportunities that would be meaningful for your student and help their desire to serve last longer than one night.

Go to Summer School-Many school districts offer courses for credit during the summer months. Summer school is fabulous way to take some required courses that would allow a teen to take additional electives during the school year. My niece and nephew have both done this by attending classes at their local school and taking online classes from the Utah Electronic High School. Applied Technology Colleges also allow high school students to take courses for credit.

Work is a blessing and a part of the plan of salvation. In order to teach the plan to your teen this summer, you may have to hire (and maybe fire) them. Best wishes for a great summer. Only 82 more days until school starts again!

"Mom, I'm Bored!"

"Mom, I'm bored!" Ughhh. I don't want to hear those words.

I want my family to enjoy the summer recess but I also want them to retain all of the things they learned in school, especially reading. I do not want them to lose any of the reading skills that were so hard to gain.

After researching summer reading ideas at Reading Rockets (one of my favorites!) and reading "Five Free and Easy Tips for Summer Learning" by Brenda McLaughlin adn Jane Vorhees Sharp, I used their article to devise my summer rules for learning, fun and avoiding boredom.

1. We will not be swimming, playing with friends, and being entertained 24/7. You, my child, will need to entertain yourself for some time each and every day. It's an important skill to learn and together we will brainstorm lots of ideas to "Entertain Myself" and place them in a jar. When you get bored, don't tell me or complain to me. If you do, I will hand you the toilet brush and you can get scrubbing. If that is not what you want to do, select a slip of paper from the jar.

2. We will read everyday. As a family, we will read books together, including the scriptures. My family's first read-aloud selection for the summer is Charlotte's Web. Additionally, everyone (mom and dad too!) will read for 30 minutes each day.

"Reading aloud benefits all children and teens, especially those who struggle." Alexander, F. Three Ways to Prevent Summer Slide. www.scholastic.com

3. We will use math everyday. We will do some math from a workbook but we will also count how many steps it takes from the car to the grocery store door and hopping on all the 5's. We will build something that requires some geometry and measurement. We will cook and use fractions. We will practice math facts as we drive to the swimming pool.

"The largest summer learning losses for all children occur in mathematical computation, an average of 2.6 months" (Cooper, 1996)

4. We will get outside and play. We will go to the park for lunch; to the swimming pool; play in our own inflatable pool and slide; play a favorite sport together; learn a new sport; go for walks; take a hike; weed the garden; mow the lawn; play with the dog, cat, chickens or calves; ride our bikes.

5. We will write everyday. I do not consider myself to be a "writer" and most weeks wonder why in the world I write this blog and wonder why anyone would read it. Most often, writing is a painful process and takes every bit of my stamina and a 100% effort.

Since writing really isn't something I enjoy, I also don't enjoy or keep a very good journal, but my daughter and I will write in a journal everyday. Five-year olds say and do the cutest things and my daughter is no exception, so why have I not kept a record of them? Laziness. It might take me ten minutes to record the precious moments of the day and my daughter seems to enjoy writing so I need to encourage her.

She also loves to share with others so I see notes to the neighbors, cards to grandmas, and stories made into books.

"More freshman entering degree-granting postsecondary institutions take remedial writing courses than take remedial reading courses." (NCES 2003)

6. We will serve others. King Benjamin taught us that "ye will teach them to love one another and serve one another." I love to serve others and also love to teach my kids to serve. Last year as my daughter and I planned her birthday party, we talked about how blessed she is and the need to help others. Together, we decided to help a favorite local charity and her princess invitations asked guests to bring a gently-used toy to be donated to a local royal charity.

To prepare her to give her "presents" away, we talked about the kids who would receive them. We went through her toys to select one that she would donate. We drove past the charity's office.
When the party day arrived, she opened all of the gifts and placed them in a large basket, eagerly telling her friends about the kids who needed them and the toys she selected to donate too. Afterwards we delivered them and there was joy on the faces of all the kids and adults, including hers!

This spirit of giving has continued throughout the year. She has given several toys to others who needed them more than her. When school started, she gave backpacks filled with school supplies to that favorite charity and more kids. Her birthday is just around the corner and she wants to do the same thing again.

This summer we plan on adopting our street to keep it clean, selling lemonade to buy chickens for families through Heifer International, and coloring ABC books for Humanitiarian Services.

"Mom, let's get the lemonade made!" Yeah! That's what I hope I hear this summer.

Another Leadership Lesson: Lachoneus

One of my favorite chapters of scripture is 3 Nephi 3. I love Lachoneus and the way he led the Nephites against the Gadianton robbers. He also provides a powerful model for us as we lead our children against the evils they face daily.

Verse 12-"this Lachoneus...was a just man and could not be frightened"

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 If we put our faith in God, we can concentrate on doing those things that will bring power, love and sound minds to our homes. Conversely, when our faith wavers, fear enters and we may become paralyzed by that fear-just what Satan desires.

Verse 12-"he did cause that his people should cry unto the Lord for strength"

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part. Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship." Bible Dictionary, p. 752.

Verse 13-"he sent a proclamation among all the people"

In 1995, the First Presidency issued "The Family: A Proclamation." When was the last time you read the proclamation seeking for inspiration for your family? The General Conference edition of the Ensign is arriving now. As you read and study it, which of our latter-day prophets' "proclamations" stand out to you?

Several years ago, family mission statements were a popular thing to write. How about your own family's proclamation? What does your family believe, know and strive to do? You could use several Family Home Evening nights to write your family's proclamation to yourself, your family, neighbors, city, world and make copies of it for each family member to place with their scriptures.

Verse 13-"gather together, unto one place"

How often is your family gathered together in one place? With work, school, church responsibilities, and extracurricular activities, there is not much time when families are all together so creative adaptations are required.

My daughter takes dance and tumbling on Thursdays with a half-hour break between the two classes. We've begun taking a picnic to eat during the break and in a matter of a few short weeks, it has become a tradition with serious consequences for mom if she doesn't follow through!

Another important consideration: What do you do when you are together? Family togetherness does not look like the kids playing the Wii, dad watching baseball on television and mom working on the computer. True togetherness is more than just proximity-simply being in the same house-but "warm fellowship" as defined by Webster's Dictionary. How can we foster that "warm fellowship"?

Elder Oaks teaches, "One of the great influences that unified families in prior times was the experience of struggling together in pursuit of a common goal—such as taming the wilderness or establishing a business. This principle is so important that one commentator suggested, “If the family lacks a common crisis, hire a wolf to howl at the door.” (Time, Dec. 15, 1967, p. 31.) Most parents have enough crises without hiring any more. But they may need to identify them and organize their families in unified efforts to resolve them." Dallin H. Oaks, "Parental Leadership in the Family", Ensign, June 1985.

Verse 14-"fortifications should be built round about them"

What fortifications are you building around your family? Are you doing the basics of Family Home Evening, family prayer and family scripture study?

Sometimes we search for answers to our problems beyond those answers. In a recent Saturday evening session of Stake Conference, the visiting General Authority asked for questions from the audience and a friend asked about how to keep her 14 year-old son from experimenting with the things of the world.

Elder Johnson gave some very insightful instruction using Helaman 5:12 and 13. Leslie later told me that she and her husband appreciated that instruction and had received inspiration about specific things to do in their family. She also told me that she was prepared to ask a follow-up question if his only suggestions were Family Home Evening, family prayer and family scripture study.

As I pondered what she had told me, I had an epiphany! If we are continually receiving "the basics" as our answer, it must be that we are either not doing them or not doing them sufficiently to receive more light and knowledge. I believe that Leslie and her husband received additional specific inspiration to fortify their family because they earnestly do "the basics".

Verse 14-"armies should be placed as guards round about to watch them, and to guard them"

We have an entire army at our disposal. Are we enlisting our extended family to watch and guard our family?

I continued to work for two years after the birth of my daughter and our family was so blessed that my sister was willing and able to tend her. My daughter has a special bond with my sister and I plan to call upon that bond when the teen years come and Chloe thinks that I am less than smart and cool. I know that Aunt Suzi will be a confidant and sounding board who will lead her to truth.

The Search Institute http://www.search-institute.org/assets/forty.htm has identified 40 "Development Assets" or positive things that all young people need to grow up healthy and responsible. Number three on the list is "Other Adult Relationships-Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults."

Isn't that just what the Lord has provided us in the youth programs? In Primary, children have two primary teachers, activity day leaders, Scout leaders and presidencies. In Young Men and Young Women, youth have a presidency member, an advisor, a secretary, sports leaders, camp directors and a bishop! How blessed we are when we support and sustain the members of the army of the Lord.

Verse 15-"repent of all your iniquities and cry unto the Lord"

My favorite lines from "Repentance" in For the Strength of Youth are, "When you do what is necessary to receive forgiveness, you will know for yourself the power of the Atonement and the love God has for you. You will feel the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ, which will bring you great strength." If our children have that strength and understand the power of the Atonement, they will be able conquer the Gadianton robbers of our day.

Verse 16-"they did exert themselves in their might"

Where do you measure today on the "Might-o-Meter"? If we plotted our might on a graph, would it show peaks and valleys or rolling hills? Sometimes when I hear "might", I become very tired. Then I remember the key "that it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again it is expedient that he should be diligent." (Mosiah 4:27)

The Nephites were blessed because they heeded the words of Lachoneus. "For the Nephites did not fear them (the robbers); but they did fear their God and did supplicate him for protection; therefore, when the armies of Giddianhi did rush upon them they were prepared to meet them; yea, in the strength of the Lord they did receive them." (3 Nephi 4:10)

As we follow the example of Lachoneus and his people, may we blessed and not fear the modern day robbers, but be prepared to meet them and fight them in the strength of the Lord.

My Leadership Lesson from the Book of Mormon

In preparation for an upcoming Stake Leadership meeting, my stake leaders invited all the Young Women's presidencies to join them in reading the entire Book of Mormon before the meeting.

They have given us a couple of months to accomplish this, but I must admit to some "murmuring" and some pride. My thoughts included: "I'm already reading the Book of Mormon," and "I'm busy with activities on Wednesdays, sports on Thursdays, lessons on Sundays, personal progress, Stake pageant practice, presidency meetings, etc., etc., etc."

However, I stopped reading where I was and returned to 1st Nephi to begin anew. My reading looked something like: read, read, read. Crash. Get behind. Read, read, read, read to catch up. Life gets busy and read only 5 minutes per day for several days. Seriously behind. Read, read, read, read, read!

But somewhere in the midst of my marathon reading sessions, the Spirit of that great book entered my heart and changed it from rebellious to repentant. What was I to learn as I studied?

The young women are always on my mind but two in particular began to "occupy my mind and press itself upon my feelings the strongest" (D&C 128:1) as I read. Then Alma 8:10 stood out in bold print to me, "Alma labored much in the spirit, wrestling with God in almighty prayer, that he would pour out his Spirit upon the people who were in the city."

I knew that I needed to "labor in the spirit and wrestle in prayer" so that he would pour out his Spirit upon these young women and their families. I always pray that the young women will have his Spirit and follow its promptings, but I haven't prayed that it would simply be poured out upon them.

Picture a torrential rainfall with everyone and everything becoming completely soaked. I love that image of a young women being completely drenched in the Spirit!

Well, as I continued to read, I became so discouraged because Alma was preaching in AMMONIHAH! We all know what happens there-they were destroyed! Great. Am I praying in vain? What is Heavenly Father trying to tell me?

I kept reading, seeking for help and then...

"the Lord did pour out his Spirit on all the face of the land to prepare the minds of the children of men, or to prepare their hearts to receive the word" (Alma 16:16)

"Ammon seeing the Spirit of the Lord poured out according to his prayers upon the Lamanites, his brethern" (Alma 19:14)

"Thus the Lord did begin to pour out his Spirit upon them" (Alma 19:36)

"I thank my great God that he has given us a portion of his Spirit to soften
our hearts" (Alma 24:8)

"And now, behold, Ammon, and Aaron, and Omner, and Himni, and their brethren did rejoice exceedingly, for the success which they had had among they Lamanites, seeing that the Lord had granted unto them according to their prayers." (Alma 25:17)

The Spirit confirmed that I was praying for the right thing-to pour
out his Spirit upon these young women-but I also need to not lose hope, because
they have agency and they may choose to reject his Spirit and me.

They may not reject his Spirit and me permanently but don't expect a reply to the text, the phone to be answered, the door opened and full activity on Sundays and Mutual nights to start immediately, but be ready when they do.

So in earnest I am praying that his Spirit will be poured out upon my young women and I have the same wish as my Book of Mormon friends-"They fasted much and prayed much that the Lord would grant unto them a portion of his Spirit to go with them, and abide with them, that they might be an instrument in the hands of God to bring, if it were possible, their young women, to the knowledge of the truth." (italics added)

I testify that as we read the Book of Mormon seeking for answers to our prayers that we will receive them and that we are always blessed when we sustain our leaders. As you lead in your homes, the church and in the community, may the Lord pour out his Spirit upon you.

Don't Be a Fool

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: all these evil things come from within and defile the man..." Mark 7:21-

Let's dissect this scripture (I loved dissection labs in school!)

• from within, out of the heart of men-from inside us comes:
• evil thoughts-"Sow a thought, reap an act; Sow an act, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character; Sow a character, reap an eternal destiny." William Makepeace Thackeray
• adultery, fornications-"Thou shalt not commit adultery" Exodus 20:14
• murders-"Thou shalt not kill" Exodus 20:13
• thefts-"Thou shalt not steal" Exodus 20:15
• covetousness-"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's" Exodus 20:17
• wickedness-"they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same." Job 4:8
• deceit-"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor" Exodus 20:16
• lasciviousness-"Those priests who did go forth among the people did preach against...all manner of lasciviousness" Alma 16:18
• an evil eye-"He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye" Proverbs 28:22
• blasphemy-"Put off all these; anger wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." Colossians 3:8
• pride-"But beware of pride, lest thou shouldst enter into temptation." D&C 23:1
• defile the man-desecrate the man, woman, teen or child.

So foolishness is this serious? In Proverbs 9:6, it says, "Forsake the foolish, and live." Do you remember what happened to the the foolish man who built his house upon the sand? What about the five foolish virgins? Perhaps we need to consider foolishness more seriously and its effect upon our youth.

In Titus 2:4-6 we read, "That they (the aged women) may teach the young women to be sober...Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded." How can we teach them to "flee also youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22)

Don't be a:

Forgo some good things in order to choose others that are better or best.

In his talk "Good, Better, Best", Elder Oaks teaches that "The reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

The best things are:

• Personal spiritual activities: personal prayer and personal scripture study which comes easier to children who have had-
• Family spiritual activities: family prayer, family scripture study and Family Home Evening.
• Work at home and for an employer.
• Young Men and Young Women Mutual activities. Attending Mutual each week will bring blessings of testimony, service, relationships and life-skills to your children. Occasionally leaders become overzealous in their desire to bless your children's lives and too many activities become scheduled. It is okay, even desirable, to communicate this to leaders, but the once-a-week Mutual activity with an occasional special event is a blessing.
• Developing talents but not at the expense of "skipping youth activities or cutting family time in order to participate in soccer leagues or to pursue various entertainments. Some young people are amusing themselves to death-spiritual death." Dallin H. Oaks
• Service.
• Dinner as a family-"what your family really wants for dinner is you." Dallin H. Oaks.
• Wholesome recreational activities as a family.

Open the door, I will come in to him. (Rev. 3:20)

The first part of this scripture is "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice and..." Our Savior is knocking at our door and desires to enter. Do our children hear it, or is their Ipod on with their ear buds in? If they cannot hear the knock, they won't open the door.

Does your child know how the Holy Ghost speaks to men and more specifically, to him?

When was the last time your child felt a prompting from the Holy Ghost? Did they act upon it? Did they tell you about it?

When was the last time your family felt the Spirit? during family prayer? family scripture study? Family Home Evening?

When was the last time you prayed with each child individually, petitioning Heavenly Father for their welfare?

Offer your whole souls as an offering to him. (Omni 1:26)

"He who seeketh to find his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." Matt. 10:39.

"As you devote yourself to serving others, you will draw closer to Heavenly Father. Your heart will be filled with love. Your capacities will increase, and your life and the lives of those around you will be blessed." For the Strength of Youth, p. 38

The Young Men and Young Women organizations offer great service activities, but don't let those opportunities be the only ones your child participates in. "Young women and men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will." D&C 59:27

Help them look for the need. Who in your family could use help? siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles?

What about your neighbors? a young mother, an elderly couple, a lonely widow, or a grumpy old man?

What community programs could use an extra hand? a local food bank or senior citizen center?

What donations does the Humanitarian Center need?

Your teen could start a weekly service day during the summer and bring together friends from Young Women, school, and work complete projects to improve the lives of others. That is a much better use of time than logging multiple hours of television, Internet, or video games.

Learn wisdom in thy youth. Learn to keep the commandments of God. (Alma 37:35)

When I really want to learn something, especially in the gospel, I often study its opposite. In studying gratitude for a Personal Progress experience, I found that I learned a lot more about gratitude and thankfulness as I studied ingratitude. To learn about wisdom and being wise, study foolish or foolishness for family scripture study and let your children tell summarize what they learned.

In my latest study of the Book of Mormon, I am truly amazed at the number of times the prophets say, "And inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall prosper in the land." Wisdom declares that "in this there is saftey, in this there is peace."

"There is only one way to happiness and fulfillment. Jesus Christ is the Way. Every other way, any other way, whatever way is foolishness." Lawrence E. Corbridge, "The Way", Ensign, Nov. 2008.

May we be wise and not "yoke ourselves with such foolish things?" (Alma 30:13) For if we "take Christ's yoke upon you, and learn of me...ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:29-30)

Chores: Willingly or Grudgingly?

"Be willing to help in the home with chores that need to be done." For the Strength of Youth, p. 10

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of ...work. The Family: A Proclamation to the World

"Children need to work with their parents, to wash dishes with them, to mop floors with them, to mow lawns, to prune trees and shrubbery, to paint and fix up, to clean up, and to do a hundred other things in which they will learn that labor is the price of cleanliness, progress, and prosperity." Gordon B. Hinckley, "Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations", Liahona, June 1996, p. 3.

As parents, we know that our children, especially teens should help in the home; however, convincing the teenage son or daughter that they should help willingly and happily is the challenge.

So how do we create an atmosphere of willingness with our teens, especially with family chores? I asked families in my real neighborhood for their ideas.

• Write down the chores to be done on Saturday, place them in a jar and have everyone draw one out. Keep drawing until all the chores are finished, then go for ice cream.

• When I offered to take a meal to a family this week, the mother said that it wasn't necessary because she doesn't cook during the week, her kids do. Each teen is assigned a day to cook dinner.

• In another family, each child is responsible to do their own laundry. In my home, I still do the laundry, but my 5 year-old loves to help with that chore.

• In order to provide opportunities for their kids to earn money, another family puts "extra" chores on file cards with a corresponding money amount that the children may earn for bikes, dolls, etc.

• Instead of a Saturday full of chores, one family opts to have an evening chore each day of the week. Chores rotate each week between children.

• Two families include some "non-traditional" chores on their To-Do lists including car and home maintenance.

• One mom hides money under picture frames, vases, and other decorative items to ensure that dusting happens under items, not just around them.

• Another mom lists the top 7 or 8 chores she wants to complete on Saturday. Then the mom asks her daughter which 3 she would be willing to do in order to have the time do something together in the afternoon.

• Another family is convinced that to get the chores done, have fun and grow together, families must work together-all together. They clean the bathrooms, weed the garden, wash the cars and mop the floors together. It can be chaotic--even messy--but no one is left to work alone.

• One family turns up the tunes--fun ones with a beat--and dances their way through the Saturday chores.

Mary Poppins had the right idea. "A teaspoon of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way!" I believe that the only thing that really changes with time is the size of the body. Most of us are really 5 year-olds in much bigger bodies, and we still want to have fun.

So let's have some blogging fun, too. I'm asking you--my virtual neighborhood--for your ideas and suggestions. Please post a comment with your ideas of how you make chores fun for you and your teens. Blog Tag--you're it!

Sweet 16-The Arrival of Driving

Teenage drivers account for the most motor vehicles crashes of any other age group. Thirty percent of all crashes are contributed to teens. They also have the lowest seat belt use of any age group. Teens and driving can be a recipe for tragedy.

When I became a school administrator, one of my duties was to supervise students as they waited to board their bus. That duty became a window not only into the bussing of students but also into the teenage driver as I watched the parking lots empty.

I'm convinced that if parents observed the driving of teenagers in high school parking lots at the end of the school day, they would not let their teens drive to school--maybe not anywhere. Those parking lots capture in just a few minutes what worries all of us as our children sit in the driver's seat:

• driving too fast,
• driving recklessly,
• paying more attention to the distractions of cell phones, friends, and music than to the driving,
• not wearing a seat belt, and
• not seeing pedestrians.

What can we do to protect and help our teens as they embark on the world of driving?

Model good driving. Our children learn from our example in all things, even driving. How you drive signals to them what is acceptable. Is it okay to:

• speed just 7 or 8 miles over the limit,
• roll through stop signs,
• talk or text on a cell phone,
• follow too closely,
• pass too daringly,
• drive aggressively,
• participate in road rage behaviors?

Discuss the rules long before they begin driving. Reason and sound judgment are more likely to prevail long before the prospect of driving arrives. However, there is also a pretty good window of discussion time right before your teen can obtain their driving permit. Discuss and determine the driving rules for your home. If contracts interest you, AAA has a fabulous one available for download at http://www.aaa.com/.

Cell phone use while driving continues to increase and texting is of particular concern. A recent study by the University of Utah's Applied Cognition Laboratory found that if you text while driving, you are six times more likely to have an accident. While driving under the influence of alcohol, you are four times as likely to have an accident. Cell phone use while driving will be dangerous. Although teens believe that their cell phone is actually a part of their hand, it is not and should be put away while driving. Make sure that cell phones, friends and music are each a part of the discussion.

If you have already crossed that bridge, remember that driving is a privilege not a right and you can revoke the license. Take the keys and supply your teen with a bus schedule.

Discourage teens from buying a car. The purchase of a car has been the demise of many a good student. Many teens want to have their own car and really don't want to drive their parent's car. Unfortunately, the financial responsibility of a car payment, insurance and maintenance become the number one priority and school, religious and other commitments fall way below the #1 priority of "the car".

One family bought an inexpensive car when their first child began driving. It was understood that it was not the sole property of the teen with a license; gas was paid for by the child driving it; insurance was split by the parents and teens; and there was one car for all the teen drivers (at one time, there were three teens in the household who shared the car). The positive outcomes of this particular arrangement were:

• respect for property. These kids learned (sometimes the hard way) to fill up the tank, keep it clean, schedule its use, and make repairs.
• respect for one another. The arrangement required them to work together to get to school, activities, go on dates, etc. They learned to care for, wait for and help one another.
• respect for parents. Respect was shown to the teens and expected in return. These teens learned that honoring parents keeps you safe and happy.

Love them through the crashes. There will be crashes, hopefully just fender benders and not fatalities. It may be their fault and there will need to be teaching, modeling and practice, but love them through it. Yelling, berating and shaming them will not undo what was done. They may act tough but they will be devastated.

Teen Reading

Giving a book to a student and watching the spark of reading occur is one of the great thrills of a teacher or school librarian. Unfortunately, school often becomes the enemy to the pursuit of reading for enjoyment and fun.

In countless examples, I have seen computer-based reading comprehension programs and required novels for English courses discourage reading in students. From my perspective as a former high school librarian and having two daughters experience it first-hand, they stopped selecting books they wanted to read and only looked for a book at their "level" or the "requirements" to earn the points they need for their class grade.

Emphasis on reading from local, state and national levels has created more assessments, more computer applications, more strategies, more, more, more. What about less? As they say, less truly is more, especially when it comes to reading and enjoying it.

How can you help your teen meet the requirements for school and still enjoy reading?

Decide to jump through the hoops.
You and your student may dislike all of the components of the school reading program or English teacher's curriculum. How can you both survive it and maybe even learn to thrive?

Make it less painful by doing your research. For comprehension programs where students may select their reading materials, what books will your student enjoy and meet the requirements? Ask the teacher, other parents and students, and look online. Make a game out of earning those points, such as:

earning "get-out-of-your-chore-free" cards,
earning additional time toward playing video games or television,
having a pizza party with friends,
or other rewards that would inspire your teen.

Is an assigned class novel too difficult for your student? No one usually says you have to read every word of a book alone. Try an audio book. Have them read it aloud to you while you drive or make dinner. Read with them alternating pages or chapters. Watch the movie and then read the book. Where does it differ? Where is it the same? And last, but certainly not least there is always Cliffnotes-use it as a resource, not as a replacement!

Perhaps it doesn't meet your values? Is the teacher open to suggestions? Propose alternate books, assignments and assessments to the teacher. Be flexible and willing to work with the teacher.

Provide a plethora of reading opportunities at home.
The following reading materials are an absolute must in every home:

a local newspaper--it provides information about events, people and issues in your area. Foster an interest in current events and happenings where you live.

magazines of interest at a different ages--you should already have The Friend, New Era and Ensign. What other interests do your children have? I love Kids Discover and Highlights for children and subject specific magazines for teens like PC, Hot Rod or Boy's Life.

classic books--those that are truly classics and those that are classics to no one but you. My library has Shakespeare, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Steinbeck, Stephenie Meyer, Gerald Lund and Mrs. Pollifax! None of them were purchased new. I love to shop thrift stores, paperback exchanges, yard sales and trade with family, friends and neighbors.

a library card--it opens the world to all of us. In the current economic times, you can read your local newspaper as well as several national ones, check out back issues of magazines your kids love, read a classic for the first time, reread your favorites or check out an audio book. As well, you can always submit your wish list for future purchases. Your local librarians are always interested in ordering materials of interest to patrons.

Read what your child is reading.
The young adult genre has exploded in the last decade. The number of authors writing YA literature and the quality has significantly increased. In fact, I enjoy reading young adult fiction as much as adult fiction. Explore the shelves in the young adult section and read and discuss those books with them. It's a great window to their world and a way to increase bonds of friendship and love.

Read. Read. Read. Read. Read. Got it?
You are the example. If your child sees you reading a variety of materials everyday and has your help in his reading efforts, he will know how much you enjoy and value reading.

Turn off the reality shows and try something new. Connect to a fantasy, a graphic novel or maybe someone else's real life.

Explore these websites:

American Library Association-Teen Booklists
http://www.ala.org/ala/mgrps/divs/yalsa/booklistsawards/booklistsbook.cfm

Teen Reads Book Reviews
http://www.teenreads.com/reviews/index.asp

Reading Blog for Teens--a bit edgy but if you really want to know what's in a book, she will let you know!
http://www.readingrants.org/

Money for College

St. Augustine said, "Pray like it all depends on God and work like it all depends on you." That is the exact formula for finding and receiving scholarship money. The state of the current economy makes this quote all the more applicable. Local and state government budgets, businesses and foundations all have smaller balance sheets than a year ago. Less available scholarship money and more college students equals less money all around. What can you do to improve your student's chances of winning some scholarship money?

1. Start early. Most university and colleges set a final scholarship deadline of Feb. 1st, however, many set a "priority deadline" that can be as early as November. Applying for admission and scholarships early places your student's application on the top of the pile instead of the bottom.

Although the best chances for garnering a large award is found from the university, money can be found from lots of other sources but again, the search must begin early. Start finding and applying when your student is a FRESHMAN. No-I'm not kidding! Some scholarships exist that must be applied for while they are freshman, sophomores or juniors.

2. Apply at any institution you may attend.
While teenagers are not usually known for their sound judgement and good decision-making abilities, the additional factors of senioritis and impending graduations make them even more flaky. Although students may know they want to attend a certain college, circumstances change. It is better to have applied, received and declined a scholarship than not.

3. Write a quality essay. Most foundation and business scholarships require some type of personal statement. Write a great one and then adapt it for each scholarship. What defining moments have occurred in 12 years of education or 18 years of life and how have they shaped your character? What are your dreams and goals for the future? How will this money assist you in the pursuit of those dreams? What sets you apart from the other 500 people who applied for this scholarship? After it is written, have 2 or 3 people proofread it and give feedback.

4. Check scholarship bulletins and school counseling offices every week during the senior year. Most high school counseling offices publish an online scholarship bulletin each month and more often if necessary. Make it a habit to check it once a week. Check the other local high schools bulletins as well--some are more user-friendly than others. This is really a parent's job. High school students may discount their qualifications or interests and they will need your guidance and direction to encourage them to submit and application for ALL that may apply.

5. Enlist the help of others. Check with extended family members and friends for available scholarships at their places of employment.

6. Apply for financial aid. Apply at http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ for federal financial aid, such as grants, loans and workstudy programs. The information will be communicated to your choice of higher education option and to assist in the receipt of local and state funds as well. Remember, the earlier you apply, the better.

7. Start saving now! Regardless of how soon your student leaves for college, it is not too late to save. Encourage them to save a portion of their burger joint earnings for college. If they have to pay for some it, they will appreciate it more.

Voila! You have a lot of work to do-you had better get praying too.

Sweet 16--The Arrival of Dating

Sixteen! A glorious age--an age where opportunites and privileges for your teen increase. Unfortunately your worry and sleepless nights increase too. One of those privileges is dating. Whether you and your teen simply survive dating or learn to thrive begins many years before your teen's magical 16th birthday.

A good friend tells the story of the method her parents used to address dating. As part of a Family Home Evening lesson, the family dating rules were established. Not necessarily an uncommon experience, however the oldest child was 12 and just entering adolescence. It was a family council with an opportunity for all to speak and express their thoughts and opinions. The rules were written down, posted and discussed over the next four years as the eldest sibling approached 16. As each sibling arrived at that glorious age of 16, they experienced "The Rules". There were some they didn't like, some they thought were unfair, and some they thought dumb, but each sibling and the parents passed through the adolescent dating years relatively intact.

Although this method may not be for every family, it does illustrate some very effective decisions. First, the parents started talking about dating, relationships and expectations very early. The topic of "Dating" in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet was their text and guide. This valuable resource outlining the doctrine, do's, don'ts and consequences of the Lord's standards should be utilized in families with children of all ages. It is based on doctrine and assists us in raising our children.

Second, the parents established a way, a time, and a place to discuss issues that involve the entire family. They used family home evening and family councils to address dating standards. They established a family standard based on the Lord's standard. The Lord gives us the standard, but leaves most of the details of how we live the standard up to our interpretation and agency. This family defined what the Lord's standard of dating looks like in their family. Each person had an opportunity to share their thoughts and ask questions. Those family experiences fostered close and open communication.

Third, the children learned by word and example the values of their parents. They knew the expectations and they also knew the consequences. The children knew that heeding the family standard would earn trust and respect and disobedience would earn loss of privileges and trust.

Fourth, another important aspect is consistency. We, as parents, must be consistent with standards. That is not to say there is never any flexibility, but what you do for one, you have to do for all. A favorite line of mine from "Dating" is "Do not date until you are at least 16 years old." It says "at least" not "almost".

Fifth, the family buck stops with you, the parent. Years ago a parent could lay down the law with "Because I said so"; but with today's teens that is an invitation to argue, fight and be downright disagreeable to live with. If you have non-negotiable dating items, explain why. What do you see as risks, consequences, fears, or negative feelings about the issue? Be willing to discuss, ask their opinion and listen! It probably won't change your mind, but it validates your child. Another line to talk about: "Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person." What do you consider "frequent"? What does your child consider "frequent"? Why is the Lord concerned about "frequent dating"? How does Satan use "frequent dating" to lead young men and young women from the truth?

Sixteen and dating is such an exciting time. As you live the standards and help your family to follow them, the Lord will give you direction and assistance so that you can enjoy that time of your teen's life with them.

Everybody Has a Story-Including You!

Years ago on Saturday mornings, a TV news programs aired a segment entitled “Everybody Has a Story”. Someone threw a dart at a map of the United States and wherever the dart landed was the city where they would find "somebody". They would then travel to that city, open the phone book and select a person. This was the person whom they interviewed for the TV segment. This segment was based on the premise that everyone really does have a story. Every story I saw was unique, incredible and sometimes unbelievable. And whether or not you believe it, you also have a story that is also unique, incredible and unbelievable. Everybody has a story-including you!

I believe that the majority of us feel rather ordinary most of the time and only on rare occasions feel special. Sometimes we don’t even like ourselves! Why? As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World that we are “beloved spirit sons and daughters of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.” If we are truly divine and have a divine destiny, why do we only feel special occasionally? The problem lies in our faith. Do we really believe that we are divine? Faith is the first principle of the gospel. The fourth Article of Faith states, "We believe the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ." It is listed first of all the Young Women Values: “I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I will have faith in his eternal plan, which centers in Jesus Christ, my Savior.

I have a favorite talk given by Sister Virginia Pearce at a General Young Women’s Meeting that addresses faith. I have relied upon it for strength, direction and comfort; especially on those days when the hair is so bad there is no way I could be divine! She says, "When we bring the Young Women definition into everyday language, faith means that I really believe that:

· Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, and they are in charge of this world.

· They know me.

· They love me.

· They have a plan for my future.

· I will obey the commandments, work hard, and trust in their plan. Sooner or later, everything will be okay.”

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live and they are in charge of this world. They know me. They love me. This is self-worth. Self-worth comes from Heavenly Father. There is only one way to feel better about you. You can know these three things and it isn’t by asking your friends, reading worldy magazines, following the latest trend, or watching Oprah. This knowledge only comes by way of personal experience and personal revelation through the Holy Ghost. Only the Holy Ghost, acting as the Testifier, can tell you that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live and they are in charge of this world, and that they know you and love you. "And that ye may know that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men..."

How can we receive that witness of the Holy Ghost? Experience and revelation. Seek to have experiences with Heavenly Father and Christ. Attend your meetings, fast and pray on Fast Sunday, pray morning and night, read your scriptures, live worthy of a temple recommend and use it to attend the temple often.

When I was 15 years old, I had a burning desire to know if the Book of Mormon were true. I developed a plan to read daily and did so earnestly. I followed Moroni's exhortation to read and ask and the truth of it was manifest to my young teenage heart. Through that experience, I heard the voice of the Lord and have sought after it ever since. Seek and learn to hear the voice of the Lord.

They have a plan for my future. There have been several times in my life when my plan didn't coincide with Heavenly Father's plan for me. I often think about Joseph of Egypt and that he probably wondered at the purpose of being sold into Egypt by his brothers and spending two years in prison. We know Moses wondered. In Exodus 3:11, Moses said, "Who am I, that I should go unto Pharoah, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?" They do have a plan for each of us and we need to believe them and trust them.

I will obey the commandments, work hard and trust in their plan. Sooner or later, everything will be okay.
The Nephites, including the Army of Helaman, had regained several of their cities which needed to be maintained and they needed more warriors and provisions to regain the city of Manti and continue to fight off the Lamanites. They poured out their souls in prayer and in Alma 58:11 it states, "Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him."

I was single for what seemed like a long time and Heavenly Father didn’t answer my prayers when I wanted or how I wanted, but He gave me assurances that He would deliver me. He spoke peace to my soul. He granted unto me great faith. And gave me cause to hope for deliverance in Him.

Each of us has a story-a divine story. Have faith to live the story as Heavenly Father has planned. Pres. Hinckley said, “Each of us has a small field to cultivate, while so doing, we must never lose sight of the greater picture, the large composition of the divine destiny of this work. It was given us by God our Eternal Father, and each of us has a part to play in the weaving of its magnificent tapestry…Weave beautifully your small thread in the grand tapestry, the pattern for which was laid out for us by the God of heaven. Hold high the standard under which we walk. Be diligent, be true, be virtuous, be faithful, that there may be no flaw in that banner.” (Ensign, Nov. 1989)